Monthly Archives: September 2009

I’ve always said that I’m over you because I believe I am. It doesn’t mean I’ve stopped loving you because loving you is a decision I chose to stick with, not something a person gets over with through time. Yet the people around me refuse to believe so. Why is it so difficult to make them believe that I really am? Is it because from time to time I mention your name? From time to time I pause and look back at our memories, thinking about how good they were? From time to time I look sad and “emo”? Maybe. But what’s wrong with mentioning your name? With looking back and reminiscing about the good times we had? Is it wrong to go back to a time where everything seemed perfect when the present is making you go crazy with all the mishaps and pain? Am I not entitled to enjoy even a second of how my life was when my life now isn’t really as enjoyable? Too many questions I throw at them with no reply other than, “You’re not over.” I’m not over because I talk about it? I don’t get their point.

Their opinions have shaken me a couple of times. I started doubting whether or not I really was over you. There were even times when I was convinced that I wasn’t. Then I realized that they were wrong. I really am over you. I’m just lonely.

I have friends who love and care for me deeply. Friends who are there whenever I need them. Friends who never left me. But being lonely is different from being alone. Yes, I’m not alone. I’m surrounded with these great people who shower me with love and affection yet for some strange reason I still feel lonely, which is why I still speak of you and reminisce about our good times. Even though we were physically apart when I still had you in my life, I never felt lonely. I felt you understood what I was going through, that you would understand what I’m going through now. I’m not saying my friends don’t understand, they try, I believe they do but it’s just different. You went through something like this that’s why I know you would understand more. I don’t want to burden them with trying to make them understand. They’ve given me so much help already and thesis has drained them mentally as well, I don’t want to suck what’s left of their brain cells. Hahaha.

I am over you. I’m just lonely that’s why I look back at the times when I wasn’t. I’m still waiting for that person who would take this feeling of loneliness away. I’m tired of being happy but lonely. It drains the happiness in me. Just to clarify things, I’m not asking for you. I’m just using us for comparison in explaining. 🙂 I want to give my love, all the love I have inside, to someone who’s willing to give his to me and this feeling of loneliness is the only barrier. I can’t open my heart yet because it’s looking for someone who can take the loneliness away.

It is loneliness that makes the loudest noise. This is true of men as of dogs.
-Eric Hoffer

The eternal quest of human beings is to shatter his loneliness.
-Norman Cousins