I seriously missed a lot of people last week. But I think I missed someone even more. Teehee.
Don’t let me go.
-Never Say Never, The Fray
It’s time to say goodbye. I’ve done that countless times but I always find myself coming back to you. I don’t want to be a part of your life anymore. I don’t want to be a nuisance to your life. I’m happy to hear that you seem to be doing okay. As for me.. Still can’t get over that embarrassment yesterday. I feel like such a loser. You’re always the one who looks happy while I end up looking like a fool. Damn, if she was there, if she saw what happened to me, h my god. I really feel bad for always looking and acting stupid. While you look happy and unhaunted. I can’t help but feel that I’ve done something so terrible for being punished this way. I want to give up. I’m tired of being the stupid one. I’m tired of looking like the stupid one. I’m just tired.
I am finished with you.
-The Kill, 30 Seconds to Mars
A new one. Hmm.. Be happy. 🙂 I want to say it was good seeing you because that’s what I wanted: To see you and prove everything’s okay now. But I don’t know if I can say the encounter was good. You didn’t register in my mind until a few minutes after. That was odd. I can’t even remember how you looked like. I guess that’s it. This is where my story begins.
Every new beginning is some other beginning’s end.
You can’t imagine how it makes me feel
To see you, with him
It makes me ill
’cause she used to be my girl.
-It Makes Me Ill, *N Sync
After my okay interview, things got bad. As I was about to leave Ortigas for my meeting with the COA HR ExTeam, I found out that.. My car wouldn’t start! Again! Had to call uncle to help me out but he had a meeting so he told me to just leave it there and he’d attend to it after his appointment. I thought I was going to miss my only two classes for the day, just when I decided this year would be “THE” year for my grades. Gladly, I didn’t have to. So far, I was able to endure my two classes despite the sleepiness. I really felt sleepy. My eyes were rolling and slowly closing. But I made it! Yahoo! I overcame the great temptation of sleep. Plus, I volunteered to be the class beadle for the first time in my almost four years of stay in school. :p
Hmm.. I guess that’s it. My last second day in college. Oh, I forgot how adult-like I’m slowly becoming. Hahahaha! I’ve been waking up at 4:45 in the morning to prepare breakfast for my cousin and I, even after getting only around 4-5 or 5-6 hours of sleep the night before. Gah. I was actually telling my cousin how I felt like a mother — waking up to feed her kid and get her prepared for school (which I actually do with her, :p).
There you go. The last few days of college. Of my college days. I am so not prepared to face the real world yet. Too many issues to deal with and get back to. But am learning. It’s kinda exciting too, when I think about it. Maybe I’m just scared of leaving too many things behind when this is all over. I hate leaving — whether it’s me doing it or receiving it.
***
Fire, burning me up
Desire, taking me so much higher
And leaving me whole.
-Fire, Augustana
I guess it is true. When you repeat something to yourself a hundred times, it actually makes you believe it is true. Even if it cannot possibly be a 100%. Telling myself I wouldn’t see you anymore for the remaining year I have in college actually made me believe it was going to happen. Despite the fact that there is even a .00000000000000001% chance that we may bump into each other in the lib or in this case, the parking lot, telling myself it won’t happen actually made me believe it wouldn’t anymore. Thus, the surprise of my life when I actually saw you.
Life wasn’t content with giving me a shock so it decided to surprise me with more drama. Shit, I thank that island for separating our cars. But despite the separation, you cutting in front of me knowing that it was me in that car, made me pause for a while. I remembered you telling me how you cut me while I was making a U-Turn in the Katipunan-C.P. Garcia intersection.
So much for the drama. That would’ve made a perfect drama scene in a soap. Hahaha. I’m glad I’m okay. At least that’s one thing I’m sure of. All I can say is.. Life’s funny like that. :p
When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through.
-Move Along, The All-American Rejects
I actually forgot what I was supposed to blog about. Some random, last minute summer drama, I guess, but it slipped my mind. But, something took its place. Thanks to one of my closest friends. I don’t think this will be one of my typical entries, more like, a thought. A plurk.
After talking to my friend a couple of minutes ago, something occured to me. I think I’m having difficulty drawing the line between acting like a friend and a girlfriend. I’m not so sure I know the difference between the two. How does a friend act and how does a girlfriend act? I’m afraid my inability to distinguish the actions of these two roles may jeopardize or even ruin my friendship with my guy friends. 😦 I don’t want to discuss this matter with my friends because I think it’ll raise some petty issues that need not be raised. But really now? Are my actions beyond that of just a friend? If so, how do I change that without caring less for them? O’i. First day high dilemma.
Maybe you won’t mean to..
You caught me off guard
Now I’m running and screaming.
-The Man Who Can’t Be Moved/Hero-Heroine, The Script/Boys Like Girls
You’ve always got me. 🙂
You’ve always got me
On the good days and the bad days
You’ve always got me by your side
Every single day of our lives.
-You’ve Got Me, Steven Curtis Chapman
They were in formal attire. Guy in tux, girl in a pretty white dress. As I looked at each picture, I felt a surge of jealousy go through me. I wonder when I’ll get to have that much love and fun at the same time? But after a while, no. I’ve no time for such things. There’s so much work to do, so many books to finish reading, events to plan, and the list goes on. That will have to wait.
It was fun looking through her pictures anyway. They were like pictures of Asianovela promos. They were so cuuuuuuute! You could just feel the love, love, love!
Waiting for your call,
I’m sick, call I’m angry
Call I’m desperate for your voice..
And I’m tired of being all alone.
-Your Call, Secondhand Serenade
I lost a friend
Somewhere along the bitterness.
-How To Save A Life, The Fray
1:32 AM 08 June 2009
when pigs & penguins fly.. 