08/03/2011
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“Kayo ha. Huwag kayong mag-aaway.”
With a tight grip on both our hands, this was the first thing a very good friend, Honey, told Gus and I when we visited her boyfriend, Sean’s (Gus’s Xavier batchmate), wake last night.
Honey is a very good friend and confidant. We’ve seen and heard each other’s struggles in life, in love, in org work back in college. I’ve seen her at her happiest, and of course, her saddest. Just a few months back, I finally saw the happy Honey I knew. With a twinkle in her eye, a very big smile, I knew that she was finally back. All because of one person I only had a brief hi/hello with — Sean.
But just like that, like a cruel twist of fate, Honey lost it. Sean suffered from complications from a muscle tear two weeks ago and never recovered.
I know it’s too late but I wish I got to know more about, got to know, Sean. I believe he was a very good person. He loved Honey very much and he made her happy. Those are definitely a few traits of a person worth knowing: if he loves and takes care of one of your really good friends. To Sean, thank you for loving and taking care of Honey. I know you will continue to love and watch over her from up above. Give her strength to go through this. I know you will always be with her.
Honey, be strong. We know you’re one strong woman and in case you feel like just giving up, your friends will always be there for you. We will always be here for you.
Life is too short to spend most of your time fighting, disagreeing, hurting people you love. Don’t let life convince you it really is before realizing how blessed you still are for having the people you love still in your life right now.
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07/18/2011
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I’m glad I’m not like her. I don’t give a damn about where you are 24/7. I don’t keep you on a short leash. I don’t nag about non-existent girls.
But now I’m beginning to think.. I should’ve been like her. Only, more uptight. More difficult. Maybe I would’ve been given a little more truth, a little more honesty. Because that’s what I thought people in a relationship do.
Had I been more like her, maybe I could’ve gotten the same level of treatment from him. I can’t believe I still have to ask for things up to this point. Things which I should be given freely, AUTOMATICALLY. Then again, I’m glad I’m unlike her. I definitely prefer my emo me than the unmentioned. If this is what I get for being the best me, then this is definitely a no-brainer. Something better is waiting out there for me.
06/29/2011
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The truth is, I cry every night.
It’s so difficult caring for and loving people who either don’t give a damn or couldn’t care less. Love is all about giving without expecting, doing (even if it means) not receiving and trusting even when the whole world is already screaming otherwise. But that’s the difficulty in loving. When you love someone, you can’t complain. You accept them for who they are, even when they have wronged you. You give them all you’ve got even if it leaves you with nothing. You’d want to expect something as great but you don’t.
Love is all about “giving the other person a loaded gun but trusting them not to shoot you with it.”
Living life as a hopeless romantic, I never dreamed of a Prince on a White Horse, sweeping in to save me or a tall Knight in Shining Armor slicing his way through a thorny garden to come and get me. I never imagined being in a really beautiful ball dress dancing the night away or in a flying carpet, sightseeing with the man of my dreams. All I saw were simple candlelit dinners, movie dates, sweet messages and little surprises from time to time. That’s what I thought happy endings were made of, not a gruesome battle with an evil witch or a dramatic cat fight with a step sister. Or worse, a neglectful prince.
The greatest dilemma love will ever face: How will you know when too much is too much or when less really is less?
A prince will never make you cry. True friends will never leave your side.
I guess I have yet to wait for both to come.
06/17/2011
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It’s been three months since my official label as student, expired. I am now an official candidate for the real world’s workforce. At least I try to be. The past couple of months have been difficult. Thesis, worrying about the future, thesis, worrying about the future, thesis. Add some personal issues to the mix like mending broken fences and going through difficulties, and we have a senior student ready to just about.. EXPLODE.
The last few months pending my release from college was surrounded with difficulties. I guess I have a very low emotional quotient for always letting my feelings get in the way or somewhat, lock me up, but I also consider that as one of my strong points. When it comes to relationships I have developed and learned to nurture throughout the years, I am very careful. I treasure every single one, no matter how long or short it has been. The last few months of my college life was a rollercoaster. Those who have experienced sleepless nights and caffeine overloaded drinks during college know how difficult, stressful and at times, even harassing doing your senior thesis can be. Just like any graduating student, I was tending to my thesis. The only difference is, I was doing it alone. Without a partner, without partners. It is a bit more difficult, true, but what made it harder was the fact that I had lost some relationships which I really, really treasured throughout my college years. It was hell, having to do something as time consuming and research loaded as thesis, without your support system cheering you up when you feel like giving up. Gus was also finishing his thesis at the same time and though we had each other to support and encourage the other, it was still difficult for me to not have my usual support system when I look back.
It’s been three months since everything officially ended. Things are different now and I must learn to adapt to it. When someone enters your life, be prepared for when they have to leave.
On a lighter note, Gus and I weren’t able to celebrate anything (except for my birthday) in the past six months due to major deadlines and minor setbacks. Then again, love is what is left when the butterflies in your tummy leave.
Our little Valentine treat while on thesis writing break
04/28/2011
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As kids, we often feel unloved and bullied by our parents whenever they don’t allow us to go here or do that or whenever they exert power by reprimanding, rather, reminding us that they are right and we are wrong.
When I was younger, I almost always took offense at what my dad or mom or both of them, would say or decide on whenever I said, did or asked permission for something, anything. Sometimes, even the littlest of things I do or say have a corresponding “sermon” awaiting. I always left their sight with a heavy heart, after hearing what they have to say.
14 years later, I begin to understand why. What they said was true. “We’re doing this because this is what’s best for you,” “Don’t do that because..” “Always..,” however they phrased it, they only meant one thing, even if it means hurting me for a brief moment or giving me heavy boots: We love you and we’re only looking out for you.
Those who love us may hurt us to keep us secure, safe, and on the right path. Whenever I said a bad word, I’d get grounded for it. It hurt me, not being able to go out and play with friends but now I understand that it was for my own good. My parents had to teach me that saying bad words is not good. Even if I had to learn it the hard way, they made sure I did.
That’s what the people who care for us do. Sometimes, we feel like a family member, a loved one, a friend is betraying us, hurting us, when they are actually just looking out for us. As I grew older, I realized I began doing the same thing. I didn’t like it as a kid, I especially don’t like doing it but (and I quote) “sometimes, the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.”
04/23/2011
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When I got home today, I found my cousins waiting. My tito and tita dropped them off for a sleepover (which I did not know of) because no one could watch my cousins at home when they go to work. It was going to be just another ordinary holiday for all of us (translation: pigging out in front of the tv the whole day) but then, a thought came to mind. Or, um, err.. More like a boredom killer for me. Hahaha.
I told my cousins I want to put make-up on them and they both gladly agreed! Wahahaaha. *evil cousin with no make-up expertise* We began the session with a before photoshoot.
For my fairer skinned cousin, I used the usual colors I put on my face: pink and red. I applied some BB cream for the base and made her blush with Maybelline’s Apricot Sweetie blush powder. It was too plain for a kid like her so I thought I should apply some color to her eyes (the problem is, it’s been nearly three years since I last put some eye make-up. I like to keep things simple.) I used sparkly silver eyeshadow to cover the base of her eyelids and added a touch of sparkly hot pink, winged style.
For my more morena-ish cousin, I was clueless. Well, not really. I thank God for my sister. I used her as the inspiration for my other cousin’s make up. Since she was a tad bit darker, I couldn’t use my cream as her base. It would make her face float. Instead, I used some mineral loose powder I found lying on my sister’s table and applied some bronzer on her cheeks to define them. I finished her cheeks with a touch of pink to add some more drama (and color, since they still don’t understand the difference between using bronzers and blushers — achi didn’t want cousin to feel that she didn’t put make-up on her.) For her eyes, I used a shade of light brown to cover the base and a darker shade of gray to highlight the lower part of her lids. I finished off cousin’s look with a winged-style eye lining. :p
Tita from Jakarta helped by styling the kids’ hair and applying some mascara to cousin #1 and fixing cousin #2’s lips and eye wings. She was also our photographer and food financer after the shoot. Thanks, Tita!
Here are our finished products. Too bad we didn’t have a charged camera at the moment so you couldn’t really tell the difference in the pictures. (Tita used my iTouch to take the photos.)
And there you have the product of the eldest cousin’s boredom. Next photo, a pictorial of the make-up artist with her models (aka teaching achi to be FFFF-IERCE! Not.)
’til the next boredom, uh, make-up session, kids!
04/17/2011
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Life is fleeting. Sometimes, in the midst of “life” going on, we tend to forget that everything can end in just a snap. Earlier this morning, I woke up to the news of a young actor dying. I haven’t had the chance to wash my face or even sip from my cup of coffee and here it was, the news of soemeone’s death. I’m not a fan of the young actor but you don’t just hear the news of someone that young, passing. After ASAP’s message about the actor’s passing, they showed a picture of the actor with his birthdate. He just turned 18 this year.
With everything that’s been happening in our lives, we tend to forget to just.. Pause.
We tend to forget to take on chances and opportunities because of fears.
We tend to live life as mediocre as possible, believing that we can still do better some other time, like tomorrow.
Life can be over for us in just one second. So stop. Take a deep breathe and look around you. Take time to appreciate everything you’ve been blessed with in life. As cliche as it may sound, don’t hesitate to tell the people you love how much you love them. You’ll never know if it’s the last time you’ll be able to tell them that. Be a better you now. You’ll never know if you’ll get another chance to improve yourself tomorrow.
“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.”
01/21/2011
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They say best friends make the best couples. They know each other so well that others believe being together is the next step to happily ever after. They know what makes each other tick and go kaboom, they know each other’s ups and downs, they even finish each other’s sentences. It’s like finding a perfect match. One who can withstand all your craziness and bull and still be there, willingly be there, for you. Sadly, this isn’t true for all cases.
Not all best friends make the best couples.
Sometimes, the very glue that makes the two of you stick is the same thing that breaks you. The closeness, the knowledge, the routines, EVERYTHING! I know because I had a best friend too. And I used to think that best friends always make the best couples (hahaha. Yes, speaking from experience!)
Best friends don’t always make the best couples. Yeah, you know so much about each other that you begin to expect (and we all know expectations aren’t good in any relationship). You expect each other to do this, say that, think this because you know that you know each other very well, more than any other person would know you. When one of you fails to satisfy the expectation, doubts arise. Doubts sometimes lead to loss of trust and once trust is lost, working out the relationship would be even more difficult.
Best friends don’t always make the best couples. They probably argue and fight more than your regular boy-meets-girl couple. They probably hurt deeper than your usual couple, because there is so much more than just your average emotional investment in here and they probably lose more than those who engage in month long only relationships. There are probably a dozen more probablys and what nots, pros and cons about this whole issue but the bottom line is: it’s not always a fairytale (even if you’re best friends).
The past weeks haven’t been easy. I guess after my own fairytale began, Ginger Foutley’s quote still holds up: Nothing worth having ever comes easy. Best friends don’t always make the best couples. But they can be if they work on it.
01/10/2011
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I guess resolutions are a must every new year. Somehow, we find a certain characteristic or flaw we think we need, no, we must change in order to survive. For some, it could be as carefree as practicing more walking than driving or as difficult as going cold turkey on smoking.
This year, I never had serious resolutions in mind. For the first time in years, I didn’t practice any new year’s tradition. No 12 fruits on the table, no haircut before the new year, no resolutions. Nothing. I just waited for the party and my grandmother’s awesome cooking. 😀
Sadly, I believe I should’ve put more thought into coming up with my own resolutions. The beginning of the year was great, better than last year’s definitely, but it also had its own share of really bad times. Bad times, which, given certain adjustments on my part, would have been avoided. So to the new year, I say, “No more expectations!” It’s nice to know someone out there is willing to help you but no one can help you more than yourself.
01/10/2011
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A year-ender or new year starter entry would seem a tad bit too late since we’re almost halfway through the first month of the new year. So, instead of typing a long entry about the year that was and about all the hopes of the year that just started, I’ll sum it up in a couple of words: Life does go on.
We all hoped for 2010 to be better and frankly, I thought it never would. So much happened not just to me, but to all my dearest friends as well. We all have fallen last year but in the end, I thank God for making 2010 indeed a better year than 2009. We loved. We lost. We failed. We succeeded. We learned. We grew.
Hello, 2011. Surpass the goodness of 2010!
when pigs & penguins fly.. 