This was supposed to be posted on your 24th birthday, but a lot of things kept me from doing so. It may be months later but my feelings and thoughts haven’t changed. We’ve been friends since 2006 and though we’ve been at each other’s necks, I am still very thankful for having met you. Whether or not we ended up together, I know in my heart that we would still be a part of each other’s lives. We’ve seen each other grow, we’ve seen each other cry. We’ve listened to each other rant about the love of our lives (at least that’s what we thought about them back then), and we’ve ignored each other’s SMS and calls. We drove each other home on drunken nights, we saved each other from crazy maniacs we met in bars, and we’ve helped each other make lemonade out of all the lemons life has thrown at us.
At the end of the day, we still found ourselves back in each other’s lives (I won’t say arms because we were both still taken at that time). We are together now, but if life has other plans for us, I know that we will still find time for each other because we are best friends, we are soulmates.
We’ve proven time and time again that no matter what happens to us, relationship or not, we are still each other’s special person. And for that, I am very much thankful. People rarely meet the love of their lives, or their soulmates, but we were blessed to have found each other. No matter where this journey takes us, I will always love you and all of you — the past, present and future you. I will always thank God for giving me this much time with you.
To the boy who made a difference in my life, happy happy happy 24th birthday. I really thank God for your life. May He bless you and us with more years.
Much love, Gus. 🙂
Nowadays, everyone is in a rush, and I mean rush, to find someone to cuddle with, be with, and hold hands with. Where are the days when boys and girls took time to get to know each other deeply before saying ‘I love you’ to each other? No, make that, before they get into a relationship? Today, a meeting, a simple text message, sometimes even a hello, is enough to start a relationship, to make one utter those three words. Gone are the days when it took men and women months, years, to get to know each other. Now, people start and end relationships as quickly as they change their clothes. And we all know most of them don’t end up the way they expected to.
So I thought about the Top 5 reasons why you shouldn’t be so eager to get into a relationship, or a new one.
5. Your ex has a new boy/girl.
Just because your former flame has moved on, doesn’t mean you should get it on with someone new too. You have to deal with your break-up first, try to take some time to fully grasp and understand what went wrong with the first one, before jumping into a new one. Do you really want to start something new without understanding why the last one didn’t work out? Let me rephrase that. Do you really want to jump unprepared, into the unknown, with the possibility of getting your heart broken AGAIN? I didn’t think so.
4. You haven’t moved on.
I know most people can attest to the fact that the only way one can really move on is if he/she found someone new. The hopeless romantic in me would like to believe this, that someone new, a prince charming, could save my broken heart. But the truth is, only YOU can save your broken heart. No matter how many guys and girls you try to hook up with, fall in love with, and be with, unless your heart has really moved on — forgiven, forgotten, understood, you will never be able to enjoy and give your best to that someone new. So save yourself and this innocent person some heartache. Move on before falling, again.
3. You have responsibilities/other priorities.
If you cannot prioritize your relationship, don’t get into one. Don’t be a selfish bastard/bitch. We get into a relationship because we love each other. And loving each other means being each other’s priority. Some people have all the time in the world for each other, but it doesn’t mean they prioritize each other. Others don’t see each other often, but they are each other’s priorities. The worst is, not having time for each other and not being each other’s priority. So before you throw yourself into another relationship, think about it. Can you prioritize this person? Or is he/she just another time/loneliness/boredom killer?
2. You have mommy/daddy issues.
Never use another person as a daddy/mommy substitute. If you have unresolved issues with your parents, don’t take it out on another person. A boyfriend or girlfriend will NEVER fill in that empty space your dad or mom left. If you think a boyfriend or girlfriend will make that sadness mommy or daddy caused go away, think again.
1. You feel alone, unhappy, incomplete.
“Fall in love when you are READY, not when you are LONELY.” So what if all your friends are getting engaged, getting married, etc. You shouldn’t find love just because everyone around you has found theirs. Love isn’t just about taking the loneliness and unhappiness away, and it isn’t about completing you too. Whether or not you are with someone, loneliness can creep in. Unhappiness can set in. No human being can ever complete you. Don’t depend your happiness on another person. It never works. You know it.
So if you’re a lonely, problematic, busy bee, don’t get into a relationship. Don’t ruin someone else’s life just because you’re unhappy with yours. Get into a relationship if you are mature enough to handle it and prioritize it, not because you feel sad and alone.
I. The question.
What does it mean if someone chooses you, even though he is heartbroken in doing so?
The first thing that comes to mind is love. Love is the only real thing that’s powerful enough to make people do things they don’t want to do. We’ve seen people do bad things for the people they love. We’ve seen people make sacrifices for the people they love. We have done some things for the people we love. It is the only thing that can make someone choose others over himself.
But it’s not as bittersweet, as romantic, or as heartwarming as you may think. Guilt can also make people do things they don’t want to — the only other emotion that’s almost as powerful as love. Almost.
Guilt is an emotion so strong, so powerful that sometimes it’s easy to compare it with love. It consumes us, taunts us, scares us into doing things we think only love can make us do. It blinds us into thinking and doing things we’d normally do out of love alone. It is another thing that’s powerful enough to make us do things we don’t want to do. Just like faith, having guilt in your system, even if it is as small as a mustard seed, can make us do things beyond our understanding. If having faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains, guilt as small as a mustard seed can sweep away even the biggest of mountains. The only difference is love is real, whereas guilt is an illusion.
Do not doubt love. Love will always be the stronger between the two because only love can dispel guilt. Guilt, or any other emotion, can never destroy or change love.
II. Living with the choice.
Whatever reason/s he may have for choosing you, it is something that you have to live with. You will have to wake up everyday thinking that there might be someone out there more deserving of him, more suitable for him, more compatible with him, better and right for him. It is a burden you will carry, you will have to carry for the rest of your life. It will be a never-ending cycle of knowing and living with the thought that he shouldn’t have chosen you.
But only if you let it be.
He made the call. He decided. He knew what he was getting into. You can tell him to go away, to choose the other, to go back, to not choose you, but in the end, it was, is and will always be his decision. Choosing you might have broken his heart for reasons you may never find out, but it doesn’t mean that you have to make things worse for him. Yes, we can never mend a broken heart and make it new again, but we can stitch it back together and make it feel better. The worse thing you can do is to make him feel that he made a bad decision by making it into a burden and carrying it forever. He’s heartbroken. Don’t add fuel to the fire by showing him that you too, are heartbroken because of his decision.
Put the pieces of his heart back together, and appreciate him. Make him feel that he did make the right decision, and that things will definitely be better. He chose you. Make his choice a worthy choice.
III. Would and why.
People do things because of varying reasons, because of varying times. They have different needs, different understandings, and different patterns of thinking, which change over time. I don’t know if I would ever be caught in a situation like this, but I do know that when I do, it will only be because of one of two things: love or guilt.
It’s been a while since I last posted an entry. So much has happened in the past couple of weeks, I barely had enough time to update my blogs, but I guess all the work didn’t stop my brain from thinking too much. In between working, and learning, my mind has made it a habit to think about other things, mostly things that are supposed to be buried in the past. It’s a war in there. One belief, one principle, trying to defeat another. Even I confused myself with which to believe in.
We all believe in different things. We have different belief systems, principles, most of which stem from our own experiences. My belief system was challenged the past five, six weeks. A speck of doubt could ruin even the strongest of beliefs. Wow, I sound serious. But I’m not, really. I just need to let all these things come out.
I wasn’t one who believed in the idea of loving someone for how they physically look. Ever since I found out what the word “crush” meant, in the prepubescent language, I’ve never found myself deeply attracted or attached to someone with a “face.” I’ve always been attracted to someone’s handwriting, communication skills, sob story (yes, pathetic, I know -_-), personality, and ancestry (this is where my love for everything Chinese kicks in). But rarely do I really, “fall in love” with someone handsome, cute, or hot. I don’t think I’ve ever, actually.
What I did believe in was becoming friends with your ex. How can you two “not” be friends, when that’s how your relationship began in the first place? Unless you were both drunk, and unaware of your actions. Kidding aside, I found no harm in becoming friends with an ex. I was a never a fan of letting friends go. As awkward as it may sound, getting to know an ex’s current, wasn’t a big deal for me too. Why can’t we all just be friends, right?
But that’s where the line blurs, at least for me. I have no problem chit-chatting with a boyfriend’s ex, and I for one stand by the saying, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” but I can’t seem to understand these two things when it comes to a certain “past.”
It’s with this particular person that I can’t apply these two things I’ve believed in long ago. When it comes to them, Person A + partner, I just find it very difficult to believe that beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder. Yes, for a person with low self-esteem, I couldn’t believe how they came to be. I am definitely prettier, I used to say. How could she get him? Belief #1, CRUSHED BY ME. The fact that I couldn’t understand/accept how they came to be automatically crushes Belief #2. I would never, ever talk to her. Even if it meant something to Person A.
I still cannot understand how he liked her. She’s probably smarter, okay. But smart doesn’t nurture a relationship, especially with his level of emotional needs. And I simply cannot imagine myself chit-chatting with her, even if she were the last person on earth. See the blurring of the lines?
If it were any other person, there would be no question as to where I stand. I never was prettier than of my boyfriends’ (past and present) exes, which is why I strongly believe in that saying, and I definitely did not find any harm in meeting/chatting with their new ones. I actually enjoy meeting them and getting to know them (I’m still a romantic deep down, and love stories will always fascinate me). But it is with this person that I am left hanging somewhere in between.
EGO.
That’s why. Even if I was prettier, smarter, more affectionate than her, it will never change the fact that he sees her differently.. And I did NOT approve of how/what he sees in her. I just don’t think she’s showing the “real” her, and him believing her over what I noticed was just an ego-crusher.
No matter how I look at it, how many different examples or scenarios I use, it simply was an issue of ego. I will never come to terms with being replaced by such a girl — a girl I do not find fit for a boy like him, nor will I ever consider, imagine, or even dream of getting to know her. Not today, not in a million years.
I guess this is what others call “the double standard”. My legit exes will always have a place in my heart, and I will always want the best for them. She just wasn’t.
Finally got that out of my head. Whew.
Enjoy and may you be blessed!
“Every single moment that we were alive and we were together was miraculous-not miraculous in the sense of inexplicable or supernatural. We knew we were beneficiaries of chance. That pure chance could be so generous and so kind. That we could find each other, as Carl wrote so beautifully in Cosmos, you know, in the vastness of space and the immensity of time. That we could be together for twenty years. That is something which sustains me and it’s much more meaningful. The way he treated me and the way I treated him, the way we took care of each other and our family, while he lived. That is so much more important than the idea I will see him someday. I don’t think I’ll ever see Carl again. But I saw him. We saw each other. We found each other in the cosmos, and that was wonderful.”
— Ann Druyan, talking about Carl Sagan after his death
Since we had a blast talking about this and that, reminiscing about our funky past, I think it's proper that I post this first here, on Multiply.
Even when you don't think or feel it, I am very much thankful.
I am grateful.
Even when it seems like I don't, I do love you very much.
Whoever drew this picture definitely knew you.
Thank you for staying by my side, preparing my meds and watching me as I slept when I got sick. Oh, how can I forget the avocado shake you prepared. THANK YOU.
Thank you for staying just a little bit more every night until I fall asleep. You always make sure I don't get nightmares. THANK YOU.
Thank you for keeping me awake, texting and talking to me whenever I have to pick my mom up from work. Even if it's already 1 o'clock in the morning. THANK YOU.
Thank you for Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close and for The History of Love. In their original cover? Perfection. THANK YOU.
Thank you for not flirting around with other girls anymore. I never thought I'd see the day. THANK YOU.
Thank you for being you. My best friend. My partner. For life. I love you.
I love you. Much more than I can sometimes express but I really, really, do.
I just want to thank you for everything — for waiting until I fall asleep, for kissing me on the forehead and hugging me before you leave, for driving around for us, for putting up with my brother's crazy antics and mother's "strangeness", for knowing what food I want, bringing me medicine, massaging my back and hands. For not going behind my back.. Many more. For always being there. For not having another "Coleen", especially when we fight.
I love you very, very much. Since we were in freshman year.
I don't want to be in an open marriage. Or relationship. [I'm watching House.]
when pigs & penguins fly.. 