If there’s been one constant in my life, it’s Him.
I never wrote about this until, well, today. I haven’t cried about it either. I guess I’m at a loss for words on this one. The best way I can describe it is in the form of Celeste. For those of you who know Celeste, I think you can skip this one. But for those of you who don’t, read on.
Celeste married her best friend but things didn’t turn out well. She eventually got divorced but it made them happier than when they were together. But then her ex-husband got some other girl pregnant, and had to man up. Celeste was left in disbelief, and was forced to deal with the fall out, losing her best friend, and moving on, alone.
I guess what hurts the most for Celeste was not when she hoped, believed, that this person was eventually going to “man up” for her. It was when he chose to man up for someone else. I’ve always felt that losing a friend was more painful than losing a partner because your friends are what you have when your partner screws you over. They’re the ones who get drunk with you, who set you up for a good night to forget all the shit you’re going through at the moment. I remember asking my high school crush who he’d choose if he had to — the love of his life or his friends. I was ready to answer, “YOU!” if he had asked me back but his answer shocked me. He said, “I’d choose my friends. ’cause when this girl fucks me up, my friends are the ones who would have my back.” From then on, I chose to value my relationship with my friends more than the potential loves of my life. I guess that’s why it hurts me more to lose a friend than someone I could hold hands with.
But what happens when you lose both? When you lose one and the same person? I never really thought about it that my mind goes “croo” when the question comes up. I don’t want to go through the same motions Celeste did. I don’t want to live in regret, in pity, in sadness. I don’t want to meet someone great and eventually turn my back on him because I’m not ready. I just don’t want to do anything at all.
That’s when I realized I really don’t have to do anything. If there’s one thing constant in my 25 years of existence, it’s that God has always been there for me, even if I wasn’t always there for Him. I’ve been through a hell lot of worse and He has always pulled me through. There were times when I literally felt like dying, like my soul was slowly easing its way out of my physical body, when I feel a sudden nudge and everything feels real again. I don’t have to do anything. I will get through this, He will me pull me through, and life will be more exciting and beautiful than ever.
Nowadays, everyone is in a rush, and I mean rush, to find someone to cuddle with, be with, and hold hands with. Where are the days when boys and girls took time to get to know each other deeply before saying ‘I love you’ to each other? No, make that, before they get into a relationship? Today, a meeting, a simple text message, sometimes even a hello, is enough to start a relationship, to make one utter those three words. Gone are the days when it took men and women months, years, to get to know each other. Now, people start and end relationships as quickly as they change their clothes. And we all know most of them don’t end up the way they expected to.
So I thought about the Top 5 reasons why you shouldn’t be so eager to get into a relationship, or a new one.
5. Your ex has a new boy/girl.
Just because your former flame has moved on, doesn’t mean you should get it on with someone new too. You have to deal with your break-up first, try to take some time to fully grasp and understand what went wrong with the first one, before jumping into a new one. Do you really want to start something new without understanding why the last one didn’t work out? Let me rephrase that. Do you really want to jump unprepared, into the unknown, with the possibility of getting your heart broken AGAIN? I didn’t think so.
4. You haven’t moved on.
I know most people can attest to the fact that the only way one can really move on is if he/she found someone new. The hopeless romantic in me would like to believe this, that someone new, a prince charming, could save my broken heart. But the truth is, only YOU can save your broken heart. No matter how many guys and girls you try to hook up with, fall in love with, and be with, unless your heart has really moved on — forgiven, forgotten, understood, you will never be able to enjoy and give your best to that someone new. So save yourself and this innocent person some heartache. Move on before falling, again.
3. You have responsibilities/other priorities.
If you cannot prioritize your relationship, don’t get into one. Don’t be a selfish bastard/bitch. We get into a relationship because we love each other. And loving each other means being each other’s priority. Some people have all the time in the world for each other, but it doesn’t mean they prioritize each other. Others don’t see each other often, but they are each other’s priorities. The worst is, not having time for each other and not being each other’s priority. So before you throw yourself into another relationship, think about it. Can you prioritize this person? Or is he/she just another time/loneliness/boredom killer?
2. You have mommy/daddy issues.
Never use another person as a daddy/mommy substitute. If you have unresolved issues with your parents, don’t take it out on another person. A boyfriend or girlfriend will NEVER fill in that empty space your dad or mom left. If you think a boyfriend or girlfriend will make that sadness mommy or daddy caused go away, think again.
1. You feel alone, unhappy, incomplete.
“Fall in love when you are READY, not when you are LONELY.” So what if all your friends are getting engaged, getting married, etc. You shouldn’t find love just because everyone around you has found theirs. Love isn’t just about taking the loneliness and unhappiness away, and it isn’t about completing you too. Whether or not you are with someone, loneliness can creep in. Unhappiness can set in. No human being can ever complete you. Don’t depend your happiness on another person. It never works. You know it.
So if you’re a lonely, problematic, busy bee, don’t get into a relationship. Don’t ruin someone else’s life just because you’re unhappy with yours. Get into a relationship if you are mature enough to handle it and prioritize it, not because you feel sad and alone.
Last week, I received a text message from our senior teacher asking us to leave early to avoid heavier traffic. I always leave the house early to make sure I get to work on time, regardless of the traffic situation. But this time, it was different. Traffic was supposed to be heavier. Why?
Because of a jumper.
Apparently, an unidentified woman from the next building jumped to her death. The situation caused heavy traffic along Ortigas because the police were trying to clear the area. They asked vehicles to detour to avoid the scene. There was nothing more they could do but to clean the place where she landed.
I honestly didn’t know whether I would believe the message or not. It was a business district. It was hard to imagine someone killing himself in the area. Still, my initial reaction was, “Seriously?!” I was thinking about how much traffic this person had caused, I don’t like being late for work. But after getting off on our building’s street, I was starting to wonder if someone really did jump or if it was just an attempt or a hoax. The person allegedly jumped from the building next to ours. I didn’t want to see or step on any blood, brain, or leftover intestines on the sidewalk. I was praying and walking carefully along the sidewalk, hoping to NOT see any human body parts or leftovers. I tried listening to the bystanders chatting, hoping for any update on the incident. I got my answer. A couple of construction workers were talking about the incident, making jokes about the “woman” who jumped. It was true. It did happen.
Someone took her own life.
After hearing the bystanders’ comments, jokes, and self-righteous lectures about the incident, I felt utter disgust. This was a person. A woman, at that. Who, for whatever reason, felt like life was no longer worth living. And these people were trying to be smarter, better (or so they think) than this dead woman. Who are they to think that way? Do they know what this poor woman was going through? Was feeling?
NO.
Suicide is never the answer to whatever life throws at us. God will never give us something we cannot overcome. But these still do not give us the right to say things about this woman we don’t know. We don’t know what she was going through; we don’t know how long she’s been feeling this pain, suffering; we don’t know what pushed her to this extreme. People easily lecture other people on what they should and shouldn’t do, even if they haven’t experienced it themselves. They easily judge the behavior of others without asking why this person is behaving the way he is.
A couple of weeks ago, I finished reading a book entitled 13 Reasons Why. It was about a girl who committed suicide, leaving behind 13 reasons that pushed her into making that decision. It wasn’t a story about a girl who just commits suicide. It was about what drove her to that extreme. Suicide is not something a person just does. There’s nothing spontaneous about it. It is the result of tens, of hundreds, of thousands of reasons that eventually make a person feel that there is no way out but it. People don’t just wake up and say, “Hey, I’m feeling blue. I’m going to kill myself.” People live through days of torment and suffering until they can no longer bear the pain of it all. After the deed is done, that’s when people start talking. “Why didn’t he tell anyone? Why didn’t he talk to anyone? Why did he keep it to himself and let it eat him?”
The question should be, “Why didn’t anyone listen?”
It’s easy for people to be self-righteous, know-it-alls, and the better person. But the truth is, they are no better than the one who took his own life. They ask all these questions, judging the jumper or pill taker or slasher, wondering why they didn’t ask for help, but the bigger question is, why didn’t they make the first move to help? If there are signs all around, why wait ’til it’s too late?
What these people don’t know is that sometimes, these people do talk. Sometimes, they make themselves so obvious to the point that they were practically screaming, “I’m going to kill myself!” No one just bothers to listen. It’s easier to blame the victim than to actually admit that I could’ve done something to stop it.
Enjoy and may you be blessed!
when pigs & penguins fly.. 