06/29/2011
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The truth is, I cry every night.
It’s so difficult caring for and loving people who either don’t give a damn or couldn’t care less. Love is all about giving without expecting, doing (even if it means) not receiving and trusting even when the whole world is already screaming otherwise. But that’s the difficulty in loving. When you love someone, you can’t complain. You accept them for who they are, even when they have wronged you. You give them all you’ve got even if it leaves you with nothing. You’d want to expect something as great but you don’t.
Love is all about “giving the other person a loaded gun but trusting them not to shoot you with it.”
Living life as a hopeless romantic, I never dreamed of a Prince on a White Horse, sweeping in to save me or a tall Knight in Shining Armor slicing his way through a thorny garden to come and get me. I never imagined being in a really beautiful ball dress dancing the night away or in a flying carpet, sightseeing with the man of my dreams. All I saw were simple candlelit dinners, movie dates, sweet messages and little surprises from time to time. That’s what I thought happy endings were made of, not a gruesome battle with an evil witch or a dramatic cat fight with a step sister. Or worse, a neglectful prince.
The greatest dilemma love will ever face: How will you know when too much is too much or when less really is less?
A prince will never make you cry. True friends will never leave your side.
I guess I have yet to wait for both to come.
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06/17/2011
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It’s been three months since my official label as student, expired. I am now an official candidate for the real world’s workforce. At least I try to be. The past couple of months have been difficult. Thesis, worrying about the future, thesis, worrying about the future, thesis. Add some personal issues to the mix like mending broken fences and going through difficulties, and we have a senior student ready to just about.. EXPLODE.
The last few months pending my release from college was surrounded with difficulties. I guess I have a very low emotional quotient for always letting my feelings get in the way or somewhat, lock me up, but I also consider that as one of my strong points. When it comes to relationships I have developed and learned to nurture throughout the years, I am very careful. I treasure every single one, no matter how long or short it has been. The last few months of my college life was a rollercoaster. Those who have experienced sleepless nights and caffeine overloaded drinks during college know how difficult, stressful and at times, even harassing doing your senior thesis can be. Just like any graduating student, I was tending to my thesis. The only difference is, I was doing it alone. Without a partner, without partners. It is a bit more difficult, true, but what made it harder was the fact that I had lost some relationships which I really, really treasured throughout my college years. It was hell, having to do something as time consuming and research loaded as thesis, without your support system cheering you up when you feel like giving up. Gus was also finishing his thesis at the same time and though we had each other to support and encourage the other, it was still difficult for me to not have my usual support system when I look back.
It’s been three months since everything officially ended. Things are different now and I must learn to adapt to it. When someone enters your life, be prepared for when they have to leave.
On a lighter note, Gus and I weren’t able to celebrate anything (except for my birthday) in the past six months due to major deadlines and minor setbacks. Then again, love is what is left when the butterflies in your tummy leave.
Our little Valentine treat while on thesis writing break
when pigs & penguins fly.. 