WARNING: This contains a whole lot of drama. Read at your own risk!

~*~

A lot of songs have been speaking to me in the last two days and ever since then, I’ve been in relapse. I’ve been seeing more of you when you’re not around. Strange, I know. Just today, I saw one of your cars again. No, no, no. Not your parked car. One on the road. That was the second time I saw one of your cars while I was driving. It’s kinda hard to forget. I know you know that.

Sometimes I wish I could just erase everything but we had good memories. Memories I wouldn’t want to forget. And I guess, these songs just help me remember those which I’ve forgotten. I want to forget but I don’t. I do but, there are memories I am very thankful for. I guess I don’t really want to forget. I just want to stop hurting so I find the answer in forgetting. Or trying at least. As I said, it’s hard. I know you know forgetting is hard because that’s precisely what’s eating you up right now. I can’t forget the memories I shared with you and you can’t forget the memories you had with her. I get it now. I pray in time, we both find peace from these memories that remain as they are. Nothing more as memories.

It is so easy to see dysfunction between you and me. I love you but I’m letting go. Nothing lasts forever.
Love hurts. But sometimes it’s a good hurt.
Take time to realize that I am on your side. But I can’t spell it out for you.
When I’m with him, I’m thinking of you.
What have I done? You seem to move on easy.
Being with you, is so dysfunctional. I know I shouldn’t miss you but I can’t let you go.
Best thing about tonight is that we’re not fighting.
How does it feel to know you’ll never have to be alone?
You tell me that you need me then you go and cut me down?

I wanted you to fight for me. I wanted you to say there’s no one else you could ever be with and that you’d rather be alone than without me.
-Brooke Davis

He’s chasing her, you’re chasing him, who’s chasing you? Nobody! Get it?
-My Best Friend’s Wedding

~*~

Next stop, the BIG question. When do you draw the line between professionalism and friendliness? I am so sleepy now and I don’t know if I can still manage to explain this properly. When does one draw the line?

I am emotional, everyone knows that. I have a hard time sticking to the business, more serious side of things I have to deal with. But when do I start drawing the line? I’m sorry for not being able to understand your side. I do understand the feeling but what I don’t understand is why all this is being blown out of proportion? The only solution I can think of right now is to drop that part of the job right there and then. On the day itself. I know it’ll be worth it, nothing should go in between friends but the question is, ‘til when will I keep sacrificing my professionalism for my personal life? Doing this will definitely put my name on the school’s bad books: the books that list the unprofessional. It’s fine. It’s just the school. But when it comes to the real world, the corporate world we’ll soon be entering, when do I stop?

As for my more human than human side, this question I ask. Why is this small thing becoming one hell of a big deal? Is it because it’s me? What if it were one of our other friends? Would you react the same way? It pains me to hear that all this is being blown out of proportion because I’m the one involved. Because it’s ME. I used to think we’ve built that trust bond between friends. Guess not. I could actually just drop this and be a bitch, not care for your feelings whatsoever and just do the job I was asked to do. But the thing is, I can’t. Yes, that’s my weakness. When it comes to people I care for, I can’t say no. I just want to be angry, I just want to let it all out and say how annoyed I am that this is what it is, but I can’t. I know I am in the wrong here for not being able to understand and I’m sorry. Truth be told, I think you know something more than I do that’s why you’re reacting this way. I won’t dig deeper into that anymore. I just hope someone knocks some sense into you one of these days and make you realize that this is just a job. Kung may iba kang nalalaman kaya ka nagkakaganyan, sabihin mo sa akin. Hindi ito maaayos kung ayaw mong ayusin.

***
You make me smile
Please stay for a while now.
-Bubbly, Colbie Caillat

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