When I was younger, my Dad taught us to dream big. I remember wanting to change the world at 7 by finding the cure for cancer. I remember wanting to change the Philippines by developing something that could annihilate (yes, I used to think of the term ANNIHILATE) all our trash, becoming the country’s top female scientist. I remember wanting to become a journalist, to follow in my late grandfather’s footsteps and make him proud. And I remember wanting to become a lawyer to help my family and make them proud.
I had big dreams back then. Most of them were fueled by my Dad’s dreams for us, while some stemmed from our family’s won experiences (my dream to become a journalist was inspired by the exile of my grandfather during Marcos’ regime. I was just so proud of him for not being scared of a tyrant.) Those dreams killed each other until I finally decided to pursue journalism (because I thought it was the easiest among my choices.) I was easily swayed by the comments of other people. especially when they said that being a scientist demands this, being a doctor demands that. I got scared of all the comments I heard from family, friends, even strangers. Being a doctor means no sleepless nights, being a scientist means dealing with dangerous toxins, being a lawyer meant reading stacks and stacks of readings and books. I freaked out.
I eventually graduated with a degree in Chinese Studies. I pursued the business track. Far from what I used to dream of, right? But despite my love for Chinese, the law kept prodding. I found myself reading and reacting to different political issues, both national and international; I found myself in different situations involving the law (corrupt practices, corrupt people — Q1 of 2013 was such a disaster for me), fueling my desire to know the law even more and practice it. It took me two years after graduation to gather enough courage and finally apply to law school.
During those two years, law school kept bugging me. I found a job to keep me busy, I enjoyed the life I was living, but there were those days that made me think about law school and the big WHAT IF. My journey began when I finally told myself, “I had readings as tall as my table for my Chinese classes, and I SURVIVED. I made it. Why do I keep stopping myself from trying out for law school just because of the readings?” That was the trigger. The moment I got over the irrational fear of readings, I had to get over my fear of rejection. It took me another year before I took my first law admission test simply because I was afraid of failing.
When I finally got over those hindrances, I started by enrolling myself in a review class. I knew I was really serious then because I shelled out my own money to pay for the classes. After the class came my first law exam. The UP LAE (University of the Philippines Law Aptitude Exam). I was quite confident during my first exam since I was able to answer more questions in the actual exam than the diagnostic exam I took for my review class.
My next law exam came two months after my exam in UP. I finally got the courage to take Ateneo’s LAE. Truth be told, the Ateneo exam was more difficult not because the questions in the exam were, but because I really wanted to get into this university. The past three bar topnotchers were Ateneans, and after reading their curriculum, I felt that they gave students an advantage by requiring them to intern in law firms for two years. I wanted to be taught by the best. I wanted to experience the best and the worst. I felt that the Ateneo Law School would be able to give me both.
The UP LAE results came out a few days after I took the ALS LAE. I found out I did not make the list, but that did not make me feel bad. For weeks now, I’ve been praying to get into the Ateneo, so in a way, being rejected by UP was a blessing in disguise. My parents would probably have wanted me to go to UP if I made it. The only problem now was.. If I don’t make it to Ateneo, where will I go? San Beda was my last option since it was part of the top law schools in the Philippines. I just felt like another rejection would extinguish my desire to pursue law.
After weeks of waiting, the day finally came. 1 April 2013. The day ALS will release the names of accepted applicants. I started to check the website as early as 12:01 am of 1 April 2013. The results page was still blank so I decided to check again in the morning. By the time I woke up for work, the website was no longer accessible. I couldn’t focus on work because I kept checking the site every hour. No change. It was still inaccessible. It was almost 3 in the afternoon, and I still did not know whether or not I should prepare my application for San Beda. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, I got two text messages simultaneously from two of my closest friends. One read, “CONGRATS, babe!” to which I replied with a confused look. And the confirmation, from my close friend who was already studying law, “I saw your name na. Congrats!”
It was an unforgettable hour for me. I froze in my seat. I was utterly speechless (I was teaching at that exact time), and I just couldn’t be more thankful. Finally, after all the storms of the first quarter of 2013, God has given me a rainbow. My perfect rainbow.
God really is faithful. Problems life throws at us are minute compared to the blessings God will repay us with. We may suffer for a while, but rest assured, God will make every suffering worthwhile.
Here’s to my rainbow after the long storm. I’m now ready to face the next storm this rainbow will bring.
when pigs & penguins fly.. 