What hurts the most..
What hurts the most?
It wasn’t being so close. It wasn’t having so much to say. It wasn’t watching you walk away. It wasn’t in never knowing what could’ve been, nor was it in not seeing that loving you was what I was trying to do. Gawd. I’m singing, not blogging. But seriously, what hurts the most? Being the last to know.
You’ve told me countless times to tell you when I get a new guy. I told you I would. I asked you to do the same. You said you would. You would.
It hurts all the same. Being close. This close. Having so much left to say, watching you walk away. But what really hurt was in knowing. In knowing that other people knew before I did.
I felt like a fool. Our common friends probably having a pity-party over me. My friends worrying about me, for some reason I didn’t know then. You said you’d tell. And no matter how things ended between us, I still trusted you. In your word. Remember when everyone else doubted you? Your so-called friends who hurt and left you? I stayed, didn’t I? I stayed because I trusted you. I had faith in you. I believed in you. Now, everything seems to be falling apart. The least you could’ve done was to leave me an IM, letting me know about this girl’s existence. No explanations included. Just a simple message saying you’re going out with a girl. I don’t even need you to name her. I just needed you, not my best friend, not my blockmate, not my blockmate’s friend, to tell me. Like we agreed on.
That’s what hurt the most. In feeling betrayed by someone I trusted completely. By someone I know, knows how bad it hurts to be betrayed by someone you trust. And that’s just what you did. You know what’s worse? Being betrayed by someone you trust; and being compared to a group of people who are nowhere near who you truly are. You’re good. You’re really good. You hit both with one shot. One shot.
***
I’d take another chance, take a fall, take a shot for you.
I loved you with a fire red, now it’s turning blue.
You tell me that you need me,
Then you go and cut me down.
It’s too late to apologize.
-Apologize, Boyce Avenue
when pigs & penguins fly.. 