Love does not find me worthy.

I have a strong feeling I failed my first ever oral exam in Ateneo.  Mix anxiety and unpreparedness, and poof!  Koko Krunch!  Ugh, I wish it were that way but no.  Anxiety on the left plus unpreparedness on the right lands you a big, fat F. I barely studied, or rather prepared, for it.  I went through the questions and gave my answers, as if I were already answering my professor.  But the whole of last week was just hell.  I literally struggled to survive.  I can’t believe I’m still such a weak person after everything I’ve been through.  It felt like dying a thousand deaths everyday.  A thousand, very painful deaths, everyday.  

Just let me be.  Please just let me be.  Stop parading yourself in front of my friends, showing them how you’ve replaced me.  Leave me just a little respect and some dignity, for the sake of whatever friendship we had — real or not.  My heart is as fragile as yours. And if you could spare me some more kindness, an explanation would really be great and helpful.  You know how it feels like to be replaced without any decent explanation.  I wish you’d realize you did the same thing your first ex-girlfriend did, which you hated so much.  

It’s very difficult being in the dark for so long, not being able to see things clearly.  Tripping from time to time, bruising yourself in the process, when someone could just turn on the lights for you and help you see where you’re going.  I hope you’d turn on the light for me soon so I could finally see clearly where I’m going.

Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love and reap with thanksgiving.
And in the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.

From The Prophet by Khalil Gibran

And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

***
And everyone’s looking round
Thinking I’m going crazy.
-Bleeding Love, Leona Lewis


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