Why does it take long for my hair to dry? :c It’s already short enough to dry easily. I want to sleep soon so I can get up early and make it in class this time around. Anyway..

UPDATES

He sent me another SMS last night. It was so timely. 😮 It’s like he can sense when I’m awake and asleep. I had just woken up from a nap when.. Where is she? B and Serena? And who am I? That’s another secret I’ll never tell. XOXO, Gossip Girl. Bam! I receive his text.

It wasn’t needed. It just made me more annoyed, irritated. Is he really innocent of everything that’s been going on? What kind of a question is, “Are you mad at me?” Shouldn’t he know the answer to that? He tells me he’s the one waiting for me. Waiting for me to what? He’s the one who can’t talk to me yet but wants to talk now. Then he calls me sweetie all of a sudden? Just like that? As if we haven’t gone through anything? What was that all about? Ooh.. What about him knowing I’m not okay but is so clueless when it comes to whether I’m mad or something? Ugh. Perhaps the worst is, I, trying hard not to be my sweet self to him, only to let my ego be ridiculed and stepped on by him. Great.

I don’t know if everything will turn out fine this Friday. I’m scared, unprepared. I don’t know what to say or if I should say what I’ve thought of saying. I’m scared of finally crying for the first time, in the worst possible place: in front of him. I want to let go of everything, expose everything, but I’m so scared of looking like a fool, a pitiful fool in front of him. I just want to get this over and done with. I’m tired of getting hurt, of running away, whenever I see him. I’m tired. Just so tired. I just want to be.. fine. To be me once again. I want to stop being/looking like the loser. I want to be a winner this time around.

***
Trying to find a meaning
Knowing that I just left it all behind.
-Come On, Ben Jelen


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