Fate seems to be toying with me again. Yet again. April Fool’s Day was last Wednesday! 😐 Just a few hours ago, Fave sends me a message about you. Why does it still feel wonderful when I hear the going ons in your life? I guess it’s because it somehow makes me feel like I’m still a part of it. Even if reality says otherwise.

I would’ve given everything to be Fave a while ago. At least he gets to talk to you. But I know everything is as it should be. Until fate (?) or whatever universal forces started toying with my head again. >.<

After getting the message from Fave, I continued with my cleaning spree. My interview for the AFICS VP position was rescheduled to tomorrow so, my afternoon suddenly became free. But I had to do something. My mind was set on being busy the whole afternoon and I just couldn’t stand not doing anything. Since I cleaned pretty much everything that had to be cleaned, organized everything that had to be organized, ironed, washed, and hung everything that had to be ironed, washed, and hung, I continued my cleaning spree by getting my hands into my wallet. I transferred all my coins to a coin purse since I’d be commuting for the meeting tomorrow (no way am I bringing my car and subjecting it to that kind of heavy traffic.) Seeing that all the receipts were piling up and making my wallet bulkier, I decided to transfer all the receipts into my old wallet as well.

This is the part where fate or whatever universal force steps in..

When I opened my empty wallet (as I had already cleaned it before, transferring receipts, money, IDs into my new wallet), my Smart Buddy SIM card falls off. Slides out of nowhere. I thought I had lost it way back but here it was, right in front of me. I couldn’t believe it. If you know me well, I’m sure you have a pretty good guess of what I had done next: Insert it in my phone.

Damn, why do I continue believing you’d send me a message someday? Why do I continue hoping we’d start talking again? Why do I have to check if there are SIM messages (still) stored in it, even if I already know for sure that some messages are still stored? I don’t know if that “smart” move was helpful or not. I ended up teary-eyed after looking at some of your messages, but the one message that started it was not from you but from our only common, close friend:

If you love him, fight for him. You might be the one he needs to snap out of his problems.

I wanted (I still do) to be with you. But I just had to let you walk away. I want to be the one you run to, just like before. I want to be the one who’s by your side as you go through all this crap. I can’t stand seeing you go through all this alone. I can’t stand the fact that you’re still unhappy, even after I left, thinking I was the hindrance to your happiness. I want to see you happy. Even if it still hurts so damn much.

I bought some chocolates yesterday as I was having some pictures printed. I don’t know if that was fate as well that brought me to that store where they sold your hard-to-find-but-I-don’t-mind-finding favorite chocolate, but I somehow found myself inside it. When I was looking for that picture place, not that American Dollar store, who surprisingly sold that kind of chocolate. Strange much? Yes, for me. Anyway, it’s sitting inside my fridge. Still hoping I’d get to give you a bar or two, or knowing me, the whole pack when you come visit me, someday soon. When you decide to break the silence..

Please break the silence.

***
I know I’m not the best for you
But promise that you’ll stay..
And these words they have no meaning
If we cannot find the feeling that we held on to together.

Try your hardest to remember.
-Like A Knife (Acoustic), Secondhand Serenade

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