It shouldn’t have happened. I should’ve fought harder to resist. This will only complicate things, not now for you but it’s starting to bother me now. Who knows when it’ll start catching up with you? I told you you can’t be like the ruler. I made a mistake with that but it’s fine with me because I don’t care for him as much as I do for you, you know that. And you tell me not to compare us to the ruler and I? How can I not compare and say it’s not the same damn thing? What’s supposed to be different with ours and ours? You’re my best guy friend, my best friend, you told me. And that’s all I want us to be. I don’t want to be friends with benefits with you. I already told you I can’t do that with you and yet this happened. What the hell was I thinking? I knew I resisted so much, so much that it gave us bruises and the discovery that we can twist and turn in ways we didn’t even know. How the hell did I still end up giving in? Fuck! I knew you were drunk but still, what the hell? This is worse than the time we just woke up and cuddled, with the clear definition that it was nothing. We just want someone to hold at the moment. But this? Did you even want it? What’s with you asking me to kiss back? What are we? High schoolers wanting to know if there’s a spark? I don’t know how or if we should even discuss about forgetting the whole thing happened. I thought you didn’t remember but after talking about snippets of that night, I guess you remember. You’re just stalling the inevitable. What the hell was that supposed to mean? Did you know this was going to happen? Why, of all people, did you choose to kiss me? You could’ve gotten the other girl to do that since she clearly is interested in you. Besides, you two have had the pleasure of doing so. Why me? Did you even think about how this could affect our relationship? Or do you not care as much anymore? I don’t know what to call this. This cannot be confusion because I know clearly what I do and do not want. And yet questions are everywhere. What the hell am I supposed to do? Why me, damn it!

***
Got me out here in the water so deep.
-No Air, Glee


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