I got my first ever Apple product on that day. My dad had sent two Macbook laptops for me and my sister. At first, it was amazing, but then. confusion and fear set in. What is an Apple laptop anyway? Apart from hearsay that it doesn’t get infected with viruses, there was nothing else we knew, or could say about it. We had no idea how to use it. Even turning it on was a problem.
But that was just an hour or so, of a lifetime relationship that was about to unfold.
It took me just a couple of hours to tinker around my new-found love. After an hour of confusion, hesitation, fear, I was already opening every application, giving it a quick scan, giving myself a short brief on what it is for and what it does. In just a week, I conquered an Apple.
Since then, my life was changed. I fell in love with Apple, with Steve. He was such a genius! Throughout my five years in college, my Macbook was there for me. I typed my first college essay using it, typed my first A college paper in it, kept many memories of my college life in it. It was with me when I felt my first heartbreak, it witnessed my craziest self, partied with me and my friends, trembled with me and my groupmates during class presentations. In short, it witnessed a quarter of my present life now, and helped me endure those years.
Some people may not like Steve Jobs. They may not see what he did to the world. But to some of us who are very grateful for his products, remember that at least one Macbook helped a college student type his thesis, at least one iPod saved an emotional teenager from thinking about ending life by providing him with music to listen to during “those” times, and at least one iPhone made someone smile when he received it as a gift.
I don’t know how else to describe it, or how I can put my thoughts into words. All I can say is, I feel very blessed for being a part of the iGeneration.
I now have my iTouch with me. Please watch over my Macbook and my first iPod video there. Tell them not to get my iTouch first. It’s too early for me to lose another Apple product.
I now have my iTouch with me. Please watch over my Macbook and my first iPod video there. Tell them not to get my iTouch first. It’s too early for me to lose another Apple product.
Thank you for a job well done, Steve Jobs. You changed the world. 🙂
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No, her door isn’t really red, but somehow, while thinking about this special girl, the name Brooke Davis crossed my mind. Brooke Davis, the girl with the red door.
Brooke Davis showed the world what she can do. Despite being heartbroken, going through a lot of high school ups and downs, she emerged victorious. With a clothing company, a handsome husband, and soon-to-be family, she was able to conquer her high school stereotype and prove to the world, and to herself, what she knew she could become one day.
Sounds like my very good friend, Isa.
Isa is one heck of a girl. She’s been through a lot the past few years. I’ve never seen or met anyone who has gone through such heart break and still emerge as strong a woman as she is. She may not know it yet, or she may but just forgets, but this woman will conquer the world. She has a good heart, a listening ear, and faith unlike any other friend I know. She’s a friend you can count on, anytime. A friend who will not only listen, but offer you sound advice, sometimes, harsh ones (hahaha, I still love you, Sas) if it will break you out of your crazy/dreamy state. She’s an excellent writer, one who can write about almost anything and make you interested in what she has to say, not to mention the dozens of insights one can get from her writing. Sometimes, just reading her blog will give you that eureka! moment. Check out her blog here.
Isa is one bubbly, perky, adorable little girl inside a 23-year old woman. She is responsible, mature, and officially an adult but she has not forgotten how it is to have fun and be a kid. She is a really good friend, and.. A girl after God’s own heart. I really admire this girl. She has got everything going for her, some of which she hasn’t noticed yet. I know she will continue to grow in love and one day, just like Brooke, conquer the world and herself.
To my very good friend, Isa. Happy, happy birthday! Know that you are so blessed and loved. Continue living a life full of goodness, love, and happiness. 🙂 Through thick and thin, crazy Chinese boys, one heck of a college experience, and hopefully, happy family lives. I am thankful to have you as a friend.
Thank you for going Chinese with me!
Photo courtesy of Google. Click to view source.
What is love? What is the extent of love? How do you know it is love?
Questions about love are never ending. Sometimes we get answers, sometimes we don’t. Yet even if answers are available, questions about this particular human emotion seem to have no end.
I grew up being a hopeless romantic. A child who believed in fairytales. A teen who believed in Prince Charmings, and a young adult who believes that love will conquer all.
Age. Distance. Evil stepmothers. Trials. Separation. Even school, or the workplace.
I’ve heard stories of love surviving such circumstances. But I’ve seen love’s demise in the same circumstances. There will always be the classic Great Wall relationship between the Chinese and non-Chinese, the Golden Wall between the Rich and the Poor, Big Ben between the Old and the Young, and a lot more relationships that face similar trials. I, for one, have experienced such. The trial? School.
I believed, still believe that love can conquer all. Despite losing love to school (yes, going to different universities puts a couple into a very difficult situation), I am still very optimistic about it. Why?
Love conquers all.
I’ve always wondered why my first relationship didn’t make it. I am very faithful to my partner, even if there were other candidates. But a few months after college started, I just felt, different. I guess you figured how that one ended. Fast forward to 2010. Why didn’t we make it?
***
Recently, I was surprised to find out that one of my friends was already in a confirmed relationship with a co-worker. I was surprised because 1) they were just kidding around, 2) they had just met, and 3) the other was already in a relationship. It took them just a few days to make it real. Or is it even close to real? What about the other person involved? The one who invested a lot into the relationship too? Where does that leave him/her?
Love shouldn’t surprise anyone when it comes knocking on their door. But if anything as common as work, or school, gets in the way, it isn’t love. You don’t, you can’t, just throw away whatever love you have just because another “love” came your way. Love is not just a human emotion. Not just a feeling. Love is a decision. You don’t just love someone because you feel it. You love someone because you choose to.
***
We didn’t make it because there was no real love in the first place. Call it attachment, puppy love, fatal attraction, whatever you want to call it, but one thing it was not, is love. Love is a choice. You stick by it no matter what. You don’t just let go because you can’t make time. You don’t just let go because of a sudden change in environment, or a conflict in schedule. You don’t just let go because you enjoy flirting with someone else or because someone else is flirting with you. You may be tempted, attracted, but you don’t act on it. You chose to love a person and you stick to that choice. That is what love is.
I didn’t understand people who had two relationships at one time, or people who end long term relationships just because of a short term rendezvous with someone they just met. I didn’t understand people who cheated and apologized, people who say it was just a mistake. I don’t understand people who go for office flings, school-only relationships, and a lot more modified relationships, those which involve more than one partner. I don’t get people who move from one relationship to another, as if they were only checking out a pair of shoes. I didn’t understand then. But now it makes sense. These people aren’tweren’t really in love. I’m not saying my friend doesn’t love his/her new partner, but I can’t say that he/she did love his/her old one. It’s either the new one is just a fling, a sudden attraction, or the old one wasn’t really the one he/she loved.
It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
I Corinthians 13: 7-8
Love is a choice, never an option.
Sometimes, I worry that I might lose a very special person in my life — my best friend and boyfriend. This isn’t the first time I felt this way. During the latter part of our college days, we became so close that people actually started thinking something was going on between us, only for us to end up so far away from each other due to personal baggage. Now that we’re both working, I’m starting to feel that fear once again.
I was never one who gets jealous, or does crazy things when in love. I usually do my thing and wait for things to unfold. I don’t worry about my love life once it exists. I don’t worry about being cheated on. I don’t worry about being left behind. But somehow, this inevitable change has triggered something in me. Something that is making me feel things I shouldn’t be feeling, like fear. Let’s go on a side trip.
I am one of the few who believe that Marian Rivera’s lack of social grace and manners towards female co-workers stem from her deep fear of losing her beau, Dingdong Dantes (whom she snatched away from singer Karylle.) Karma’s a bitch, they say. I guess she’s afraid of meeting the same fate this other girl had because of her. I did not snatch or steal anyone from anyone but sometimes, I feel like I never deserved him in the first place. As I said, I wasn’t one to act but rather, I was one who JUST waits. Having him in my life other than being just a best friend seemed like a very huge black stain landed on a white piece of paper — it wasn’t how things were supposed to be. And this brings me to that feeling of fear. The fear of losing my best friend and my boyfriend to someone else at work, because he and I together was just another misplaced event in the order of things on earth.
The workplace is just like a real world classroom. There are teachers who teach you things, teach you everything, down to the last detail, and classmates, whom you interact with and eventually build relationships with. I know one of the reasons his past relationship didn’t work was because they barely had time for each other since they were both studying in different schools. That’s what’s scaring me now: Gus and I growing apart just because we can’t do the things we were used to doing when we had all the time in the world.
A couple of days back, I read this really long but meaningful quote from a woman who was talking about her deceased husband. A line from it goes:
“Every single moment that we were alive and we were together was miraculous-not miraculous in the sense of inexplicable or supernatural. We knew we were beneficiaries of chance. That pure chance could be so generous and so kind. That we could find each other, as Carl wrote so beautifully in Cosmos, you know, in the vastness of space and the immensity of time. That we could be together for twenty years. That is something which sustains me and it’s much more meaningful. The way he treated me and the way I treated him, the way we took care of each other and our family, while he lived. That is so much more important than the idea I will see him someday. I don’t think I’ll ever see Carl again. But I saw him. We saw each other. We found each other in the cosmos, and that was wonderful.”
— Ann Druyan, talking about Carl Sagan after his death
I’ve always been afraid of change. Of losing people I think I don’t deserve. I don’t know if I will ever get over my fear of change but reading this quote made me feel so thankful for what I have NOW. I always worry about the things that have not happened yet (because I believe it’s better to be prepared for the unexpected, or worse, the worst) that I fail to fully appreciate what’s in front of me right now. It is true. Meeting each other in the vastness of this world, this lifetime, is a miracle in itself already. It reminds me of a very famous quote from a TV series back then that goes, “At this moment there are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day. Others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men, at war with good. And some are good, struggling with evil. Six billion people in the world. Six billion souls. And sometimes.. all you need is one.” (One Tree Hill, 3×01)
Finding that one person you need for the rest of your life is a miracle. You can be a lot of things. You can be scared, you can tell lies to get through your day, you can be struggling with good or evil, but in the end, being with that someone right here, right now, is enough. Of all the people in the world, you found the one. You found each other. Enjoy it. Live it to the fullest. No regrets, no hesitation, no fear. Because at the end of it all, you found the one others may not have or are still searching for.
I should’ve written this a long time ago.
Back in 2008, December 30 to be exact, I almost died. It was a time when I wasn’t living at home. I was staying over a friend’s house and I guess, their carpet fibers triggered my dormant asthma. Their family was busy making preparations for New Year’s Eve that I felt uncomfortable bothering them with the attack. I got into my car and decided to head to the hospital.
While I was driving though, I felt something different. Whenever I had asthma attacks before, it never came to the point wherein I felt my air passage literally being blocked. I got scared because I’ve never felt that way before with any of my asthma attacks. I usually just had difficulty in breathing, and wheezing but not to the point that I felt something blocking my throat/esophagus/tunnel where-air-comes-from. I was breathing through my nose but I still had difficulty breathing. I called my good friend Isa, who lived near where I was. I asked her if she could meet me and accompany me to the hospital, just in case I couldn’t drive anymore. Yes, that was how scared I felt. We rushed into the ER of a hospital in Ortigas, and asked the security if I could just park in front of the ER because of my condition. Thank God for his kindness, he just asked me not to block the ER’s entrance.
I brought out my health card (since it was the only thing I had, no cash then) and asked the nurse if they accepted health cards (I just assumed they did since it was a private hospital.) The nurse asked me to fill up a form and wait. After submitting my form, another nurse transferred me into a wheelchair and brought me in the ER proper.
That’s where I almost died.
A doctor interviewed me and asked what medicine I usually use for my attacks. I told her I had always used Ventolin. She asked if it was okay if they used a different Salbutamol solution. I said it was okay. As long as it was for asthma attacks, the brand didn’t matter. After the interview, I waited for the nebulizer. I felt my air passage being blocked more and more. The block was rising every couple of minutes or so. An hour had passed, still no nebulizer. *For those of you who don’t know, a nebulizer is like a little machine that releases oxygen. Only, it releases evaporated medicine, not oxygen. This smoke is then inhaled by the patient to relieve him or her of difficulty in breathing.
Isa was holding my hand, checking up on me every so often, asking if I could still handle it. With every question, I answered with okay. I could still manage to breathe somehow, it was my worry that when my air passage completely closes, I wouldn’t know what to do, where to breathe. Time passed by again and I could feel my air passage completely closing. I was just praying then and hoping for a nurse, a doctor, to bring the nebulizer. Isa had already asked a nurse again, followed up on my nebulizer, to which the nurse told her to wait for a moment. Two hours had passed and I couldn’t control myself any longer. Isa saw how pale I looked already and I pinched her, telling her I couldn’t handle it any longer. Yes, the nebulizer still wasn’t with us. Sas had followed up with nurses, doctors, anyone who passed by us, and the machine still wasn’t there. After telling her how I couldn’t feel any air coming from my throat anymore, she stood up and blocked a doctor who was walking our way and demanded that she bring the nebulizer right now. She “scolded” the doctor, telling her about my condition, and how she had asked different nurses and doctors already for the nebulizer in the last two hours, and that no one has bothered to bring it and check up on me. I’ve never seen Isa explode that way before but I was thankful. I couldn’t get any air out of my mouth anymore and I was feeling weak. Just minutes after, a male nurse brought a nebulizer and attended to me. I WAS SO THANKFUL. I thought I was going to die that day, in that sad situation.
After the treatment, I was so thankful that I could breathe again. That I could inhale and exhale freely again. But at the same time, I felt like a bomb ready to explode. What the hell were the nurses and doctors thinking? Attending to? The ER was quiet that night, no major emergency whatsoever and it took them TWO freaking hours to get me a nebulizer! What were they waiting for? For me to collapse from lack of oxygen?! I am thankful for their nebulizer but I am in no way, trusting them again with my life. Before I do again, they better review their ER SOPs. I am not putting my life on their hands again with that kind of service.
Fast forward to three years from then, why am I writing about this just now? I had already expressed my deep regret in choosing that hospital that fateful night to my closest friends after the Christmas break of 2008. But a recent event involving that same hospital, which cost the life of one of my dearest friends beloved, urged me to share my own experience. Three years may have passed but hearing about their lapse in judgement, their failure to adhere to SOPs (or maybe lack thereof) AGAIN, leading to the demise of someone I know, just bugged me into writing and sharing with everyone what happened to me because of the same thing. This is meant to inform people of how their service is, to hopefully reach their administrator so he/she can make changes about the way the hospital is run.
I am no doctor but I do know that doctors are trained for years to make sure they do the right thing, leading to the right decision, hopefully, saving a life. Just like an architect, an engineer, a lawyer, there are basic routines, check lists, TTDs that are taught to them. The basics of any job. They study about it so they know what they must do when they are faced with the same or similar situation. There is no room for carelessness because they are dealing with lives. Next time, I hope they don’t forget to go back to the basics.
“Kayo ha. Huwag kayong mag-aaway.”
With a tight grip on both our hands, this was the first thing a very good friend, Honey, told Gus and I when we visited her boyfriend, Sean’s (Gus’s Xavier batchmate), wake last night.
Honey is a very good friend and confidant. We’ve seen and heard each other’s struggles in life, in love, in org work back in college. I’ve seen her at her happiest, and of course, her saddest. Just a few months back, I finally saw the happy Honey I knew. With a twinkle in her eye, a very big smile, I knew that she was finally back. All because of one person I only had a brief hi/hello with — Sean.
But just like that, like a cruel twist of fate, Honey lost it. Sean suffered from complications from a muscle tear two weeks ago and never recovered.
I know it’s too late but I wish I got to know more about, got to know, Sean. I believe he was a very good person. He loved Honey very much and he made her happy. Those are definitely a few traits of a person worth knowing: if he loves and takes care of one of your really good friends. To Sean, thank you for loving and taking care of Honey. I know you will continue to love and watch over her from up above. Give her strength to go through this. I know you will always be with her.
Honey, be strong. We know you’re one strong woman and in case you feel like just giving up, your friends will always be there for you. We will always be here for you.
Life is too short to spend most of your time fighting, disagreeing, hurting people you love. Don’t let life convince you it really is before realizing how blessed you still are for having the people you love still in your life right now.
I’m glad I’m not like her. I don’t give a damn about where you are 24/7. I don’t keep you on a short leash. I don’t nag about non-existent girls.
But now I’m beginning to think.. I should’ve been like her. Only, more uptight. More difficult. Maybe I would’ve been given a little more truth, a little more honesty. Because that’s what I thought people in a relationship do.
Had I been more like her, maybe I could’ve gotten the same level of treatment from him. I can’t believe I still have to ask for things up to this point. Things which I should be given freely, AUTOMATICALLY. Then again, I’m glad I’m unlike her. I definitely prefer my emo me than the unmentioned. If this is what I get for being the best me, then this is definitely a no-brainer. Something better is waiting out there for me.
The truth is, I cry every night.
It’s so difficult caring for and loving people who either don’t give a damn or couldn’t care less. Love is all about giving without expecting, doing (even if it means) not receiving and trusting even when the whole world is already screaming otherwise. But that’s the difficulty in loving. When you love someone, you can’t complain. You accept them for who they are, even when they have wronged you. You give them all you’ve got even if it leaves you with nothing. You’d want to expect something as great but you don’t.
Love is all about “giving the other person a loaded gun but trusting them not to shoot you with it.”
Living life as a hopeless romantic, I never dreamed of a Prince on a White Horse, sweeping in to save me or a tall Knight in Shining Armor slicing his way through a thorny garden to come and get me. I never imagined being in a really beautiful ball dress dancing the night away or in a flying carpet, sightseeing with the man of my dreams. All I saw were simple candlelit dinners, movie dates, sweet messages and little surprises from time to time. That’s what I thought happy endings were made of, not a gruesome battle with an evil witch or a dramatic cat fight with a step sister. Or worse, a neglectful prince.
The greatest dilemma love will ever face: How will you know when too much is too much or when less really is less?
A prince will never make you cry. True friends will never leave your side.
I guess I have yet to wait for both to come.
It’s been three months since my official label as student, expired. I am now an official candidate for the real world’s workforce. At least I try to be. The past couple of months have been difficult. Thesis, worrying about the future, thesis, worrying about the future, thesis. Add some personal issues to the mix like mending broken fences and going through difficulties, and we have a senior student ready to just about.. EXPLODE.
The last few months pending my release from college was surrounded with difficulties. I guess I have a very low emotional quotient for always letting my feelings get in the way or somewhat, lock me up, but I also consider that as one of my strong points. When it comes to relationships I have developed and learned to nurture throughout the years, I am very careful. I treasure every single one, no matter how long or short it has been. The last few months of my college life was a rollercoaster. Those who have experienced sleepless nights and caffeine overloaded drinks during college know how difficult, stressful and at times, even harassing doing your senior thesis can be. Just like any graduating student, I was tending to my thesis. The only difference is, I was doing it alone. Without a partner, without partners. It is a bit more difficult, true, but what made it harder was the fact that I had lost some relationships which I really, really treasured throughout my college years. It was hell, having to do something as time consuming and research loaded as thesis, without your support system cheering you up when you feel like giving up. Gus was also finishing his thesis at the same time and though we had each other to support and encourage the other, it was still difficult for me to not have my usual support system when I look back.
It’s been three months since everything officially ended. Things are different now and I must learn to adapt to it. When someone enters your life, be prepared for when they have to leave.
On a lighter note, Gus and I weren’t able to celebrate anything (except for my birthday) in the past six months due to major deadlines and minor setbacks. Then again, love is what is left when the butterflies in your tummy leave.
Our little Valentine treat while on thesis writing break
As kids, we often feel unloved and bullied by our parents whenever they don’t allow us to go here or do that or whenever they exert power by reprimanding, rather, reminding us that they are right and we are wrong.
When I was younger, I almost always took offense at what my dad or mom or both of them, would say or decide on whenever I said, did or asked permission for something, anything. Sometimes, even the littlest of things I do or say have a corresponding “sermon” awaiting. I always left their sight with a heavy heart, after hearing what they have to say.
14 years later, I begin to understand why. What they said was true. “We’re doing this because this is what’s best for you,” “Don’t do that because..” “Always..,” however they phrased it, they only meant one thing, even if it means hurting me for a brief moment or giving me heavy boots: We love you and we’re only looking out for you.
Those who love us may hurt us to keep us secure, safe, and on the right path. Whenever I said a bad word, I’d get grounded for it. It hurt me, not being able to go out and play with friends but now I understand that it was for my own good. My parents had to teach me that saying bad words is not good. Even if I had to learn it the hard way, they made sure I did.
That’s what the people who care for us do. Sometimes, we feel like a family member, a loved one, a friend is betraying us, hurting us, when they are actually just looking out for us. As I grew older, I realized I began doing the same thing. I didn’t like it as a kid, I especially don’t like doing it but (and I quote) “sometimes, the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.”
when pigs & penguins fly.. 