When I got home today, I found my cousins waiting. My tito and tita dropped them off for a sleepover (which I did not know of) because no one could watch my cousins at home when they go to work. It was going to be just another ordinary holiday for all of us (translation: pigging out in front of the tv the whole day) but then, a thought came to mind. Or, um, err.. More like a boredom killer for me. Hahaha.
I told my cousins I want to put make-up on them and they both gladly agreed! Wahahaaha. *evil cousin with no make-up expertise* We began the session with a before photoshoot.
For my fairer skinned cousin, I used the usual colors I put on my face: pink and red. I applied some BB cream for the base and made her blush with Maybelline’s Apricot Sweetie blush powder. It was too plain for a kid like her so I thought I should apply some color to her eyes (the problem is, it’s been nearly three years since I last put some eye make-up. I like to keep things simple.) I used sparkly silver eyeshadow to cover the base of her eyelids and added a touch of sparkly hot pink, winged style.
For my more morena-ish cousin, I was clueless. Well, not really. I thank God for my sister. I used her as the inspiration for my other cousin’s make up. Since she was a tad bit darker, I couldn’t use my cream as her base. It would make her face float. Instead, I used some mineral loose powder I found lying on my sister’s table and applied some bronzer on her cheeks to define them. I finished her cheeks with a touch of pink to add some more drama (and color, since they still don’t understand the difference between using bronzers and blushers — achi didn’t want cousin to feel that she didn’t put make-up on her.) For her eyes, I used a shade of light brown to cover the base and a darker shade of gray to highlight the lower part of her lids. I finished off cousin’s look with a winged-style eye lining. :p
Tita from Jakarta helped by styling the kids’ hair and applying some mascara to cousin #1 and fixing cousin #2’s lips and eye wings. She was also our photographer and food financer after the shoot. Thanks, Tita!
Here are our finished products. Too bad we didn’t have a charged camera at the moment so you couldn’t really tell the difference in the pictures. (Tita used my iTouch to take the photos.)
And there you have the product of the eldest cousin’s boredom. Next photo, a pictorial of the make-up artist with her models (aka teaching achi to be FFFF-IERCE! Not.)
’til the next boredom, uh, make-up session, kids!
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As much as I love planning events, I think it’s about time I stop. I don’t deal well with frustrations and failures and I honestly believe I don’t need the extra baggage. The tikka masala we prepared was successful, though there is room for improvement. A little more sauce (since the sauce was tasty), cutting the chicken into smaller pieces before cooking it (haha, the most obvious thing we could’ve done but didn’t) and other little things. Overall, I’d like to think it was a successful experiment. But as I mentioned earlier, I don’t do well with frustrations and failures. I should’ve thought about cutting the chicken beforehand since I was the one who prepared it but I guess it slipped my mind. The dish would’ve looked better if we didn’t have to cut the finished product into pieces. I’ll probably better you, tikka masala, when I have my own free time.
Anyway, that was just an example of yet another slightly failed venture. It’s not that it didn’t turn out good, cause it did. It was more of, how could it not be close to perfect when I had everything prepared from the beginning? *sigh* I’m not a perfectionist but I guess my planning skills aren’t really, well..
I think I need a break from planning stuff. It makes me sad. No more adventures for me for the meantime. Mercato, you will have to wait.
Life is fleeting. Sometimes, in the midst of “life” going on, we tend to forget that everything can end in just a snap. Earlier this morning, I woke up to the news of a young actor dying. I haven’t had the chance to wash my face or even sip from my cup of coffee and here it was, the news of soemeone’s death. I’m not a fan of the young actor but you don’t just hear the news of someone that young, passing. After ASAP’s message about the actor’s passing, they showed a picture of the actor with his birthdate. He just turned 18 this year.
With everything that’s been happening in our lives, we tend to forget to just.. Pause.
We tend to forget to take on chances and opportunities because of fears.
We tend to live life as mediocre as possible, believing that we can still do better some other time, like tomorrow.
Life can be over for us in just one second. So stop. Take a deep breathe and look around you. Take time to appreciate everything you’ve been blessed with in life. As cliche as it may sound, don’t hesitate to tell the people you love how much you love them. You’ll never know if it’s the last time you’ll be able to tell them that. Be a better you now. You’ll never know if you’ll get another chance to improve yourself tomorrow.
“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.”
Since we had a blast talking about this and that, reminiscing about our funky past, I think it's proper that I post this first here, on Multiply.
Even when you don't think or feel it, I am very much thankful.
I am grateful.
Even when it seems like I don't, I do love you very much.
I AM the reason of all YOUR WHYs and I want you to know that YOU, too, ARE the reason of all MY WHYs.
Whoever drew this picture definitely knew you.
Thank you for staying by my side, preparing my meds and watching me as I slept when I got sick. Oh, how can I forget the avocado shake you prepared. THANK YOU.
Thank you for staying just a little bit more every night until I fall asleep. You always make sure I don't get nightmares. THANK YOU.
Thank you for keeping me awake, texting and talking to me whenever I have to pick my mom up from work. Even if it's already 1 o'clock in the morning. THANK YOU.
Thank you for Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close and for The History of Love. In their original cover? Perfection. THANK YOU.
Thank you for not flirting around with other girls anymore. I never thought I'd see the day. THANK YOU.
Thank you for being you. My best friend. My partner. For life. I love you.
I love you. Much more than I can sometimes express but I really, really, do.
I just want to thank you for everything — for waiting until I fall asleep, for kissing me on the forehead and hugging me before you leave, for driving around for us, for putting up with my brother's crazy antics and mother's "strangeness", for knowing what food I want, bringing me medicine, massaging my back and hands. For not going behind my back.. Many more. For always being there. For not having another "Coleen", especially when we fight.
I love you very, very much. Since we were in freshman year.
I don't want to be in an open marriage. Or relationship. [I'm watching House.]
Simple instructions. Respect. Love.
I’m not one to count, to demand, to ask. I won’t give you a list of all the times I’ve helped you and rub it in. I won’t demand things from you. I won’t ask anything from you. I give without taking. I help without expecting anything in return. But when the time comes that you start taking advantage of me and my goodness, I WILL STOP.
This goes out to everyone I know. Friends, family, acquaintances, officemates, even lover. I am good as good can get. I am loving as loving can be. But when the time comes that you abuse that, I won’t retaliate. I won’t attack. I will simply stop doing good to you, loving you, caring for you.
I just graduated. I’m supposed to be happy and deeply thankful for finally finishing college. Instead, I am apathetic and distressed. Some of my so-called friends were big disappointments. They don’t deserve to be called "friend" by anyone. They deserve to be called liars. Manipulative bitches. Poor souls.
For years I have kept quiet about a certain friend’s lies. I have done the same for yet another friend just last year. Yes, silent. They think they can get away with all their lies but no one does. For years, I have been quiet about my own feelings (at least those that run deeper than what I choose to express) too. I can only be silent for so long and I can only hold as many secrets as what my heart and conscience can. Not anymore.
I am not that special, I know. But I believe I deserve much more than what I’m getting from you. You of all people. All those years you hurt me, unintentional or not, I have been quiet. Up until we finally found each other, I have kept my silence. Not once did I demand any form of payment or justice from you for hurting me all those years. Now that we’ve found each other, I guess I hoped too much.
I don’t jot down all the times I’ve been there for you. I never asked for any payment. I was happy doing what I was doing for you. Was it so difficult to give me a little respect? A listening ear? An attentive mind?
You don’t listen to everything I say, especially the little things. And the little things matter the most. You tell me you listen, you do everything I ask but when? When they don’t count. I am appreciative. Thankful for all the other times I asked you and you listened, you answered. But its during those difficult times, times that I want to feel like you care about what I say, that you fail me. Need I start comparing?
I needed you to listen. I didn’t demand for you to answer to my every beck and call but just be there when I need you. To listen when I have simple instructions. To make me feel as if I matter. The things I do matter. What I think or say matter. At least make me believe that they do. But no. I’m not like any of your girls. The girls whose every word you pay attention to. The girls you woo when they get upset or when you try to attract them. I’m not the rich, beautiful, smart, fair-skinned stereotype you’ll do everything for. I’m just me. The friend who’s always there when you need her but when it’s her turn to need just a little bit of your full attention, poof.
You don’t show my mom enough respect. You rarely listen to the things I have to say. Our relationship has become 99% sorrys and apologies, 1% anger management.
I am just a filler in your life. As difficult as it is for me to admit it but, I never got what I deserved. You never gave me the same attention you gave your ex-girlfriend. You never gave my family the same respect you gave her family. You never attempted to fix our problems the same way you tried fixing yours back then. I exist because it is convenient for you.
Not anymore.
I know what I deserve and what I deserve is a man. A man who will listen and pay close attention to every word I say, of every story I have to tell, of every request I may have to make. I deserve someone who will still give my family the respect due of them no matter how dysfunctional my relationship with them may be. I deserve someone who will prove himself to me when I start doubting. Someone who will show me the love I need even when I don’t need it. I deserve someone who will make me feel loved and special and will never ever have to make me feel like I’m not special. I deserve a man who will treat me like a lady not a slut.
I deserve a man who will love me and show me how much he loves me more than I love him or show everyone my love for him. I deserve this kind of man because I know I will give him all the love I have and all the love he deserves. All my support, my help, my care.
I’m tired of being a martyr. All my love, support, care, attention will be directed to someone who will gladly show me the same without me having to beg for it.
More often than not, arguments begin because Person A did this or did that. Or so I believe. It was never me but he/she.
I realized that it was not always the case. I’m not a war-hungry freak or a conflict magnet. I don’t feed on starting arguments or discussions. Looking back, I’ve come to realize that some of these arguments and conflicts I face are brought about by my twisted thinking. I’ve been caught in several disagreements with past boyfriends, sometimes friends, because I believe that what I think should be, really is. The way I believe things should be, should be, even if they aren’t. If I believe the sky should be blue, it should always be blue. If I believe that milk can take away gas pain, then milk can do that, don’t even think about arguing with me. Recently, I’ve been having overblown fights with my boyfriend/best friend. The cause/s? He’s stupid. He should’ve realized that I wasn’t or am not *insert thing/s he should/shouldn’t have done* Sometimes, the fights come from feeling bad or sad, slowly evolving into my boyfriend being inconsiderate or stupid for not knowing what to do or not doing what he should do. Almost everyday, sad/angry messages are sent. I’ve always wondered why we keep on fighting. Why he doesn’t do or doesn’t know what to do and then I think of all the things he has done but it never is enough. I still wonder why he can’t or won’t do the things I know he should to avoid the same conflicts over and over again.
It’s not him. It’s me.
Thinking about the fights, the disappointments with the perfect Chinese boy I’ve been in love with for five years now, I realized that it’s me. I depend on my beliefs or wants being satisfied to be happy.
Exhibit A:
Ex-boyfriend #1: BRYAN
Even if I was clueless, innocent of how it was like to have a boyfriend, my idea of how a relationship should work or be, got the best of us.
"It’s my birthday, where’s the surprise?" "We’re eating out. Why am I paying?" "He knows my position in school, why isn’t he working hard to be as smart or at least, smart enough for me?"
I’m the girl. I’m supposed to be the one visited, brought home, treated but why not me? Why am I the one visiting him, surprising him, buying him the things he told me he wanted?
Exhibit B:
Ex-boyfriend #2: MIKEY
Despite his near-perfection, smart, good family background, cute, and possesses a vehicle, he still missed some marks with me.
"Why doesn’t he pick me up from class?" "Why doesn’t he hold my hand all the time?" "Why can’t he fight for what we had?"
He was the boy of my dreams, my Prince Charming. The one who saved me from terrible heart ache but why can’t he do these simple things?
Exhibit C:
Boyfriend/best friend
"Why can’t he think outside the box?" "Why can’t he try to find a way?" "Why doesn’t he do or give things, which he knows will make me happy?"
Everytime we argue, it’s because of my stupid, impossible expectations. I get upset, I think, "He’ll fix this tonight. He knows I’m mad." Instead, he sleeps it off, hoping I would feel better the next day. I see fruit salad on the way home and tell him, I think, "Oh, maybe he’ll surprise me with one when I get home!" Instead, he’s either A) waiting for me with the sentence, "Aww, you want fruit salad?" Instead of just surprising me with the fruit salad itself or B) he won’t even be at home waiting for me. I think, guys are supposed to make their girls happy by at least trying to give them what they want. Maybe I just give him too much love that he can no longer think of what might actually make me happy.
Everyday, it’s the same. It’s as if conflicts and arguments are a must to survive the day. He’s a boy, I’m the girl, I think, "He probably got my hint." "Oh my god, he’s going to surprise me with that avocado I’ve been craving for all day!" But I always end up brokenhearted. He never gets the hint, I don’t get what I want 95% of the time (unless I tell him or I crack, shouting at him for being inconsiderate.)
It really is sad, having to live with this everyday. I want to get rid of all the expectations to avoid conflict but then I realize, why should I? I think I’m entitled to a few things that would make me happy. The anger strikes. Why do I have to give up my expectations, why can’t he just fulfill them? He loves me, doesn’t he? Why doesn’t he think?
It’s me, isn’t it? It’s my fault I feel sad, disappointed and mad. I expect too much and it gets the best of me. Right now, I feel hunger but my anger overcomes it. Thus, the sudden surge of text. I need to write. I just feel so sad, disappointed, and angry that I am nearly brought to tears. I haven’t had the best of days in a while. This day was no different. Add that to the fact that I was tired and feeling sick, I wanted some fresh lumpia since I decided to sacrifice my two other rice meals every Friday. I never got it. Shallow as it may sound, it wasn’t the cause of my hodgepodge of a feeling right now. It was because all my boyfriend could say was, "Let’s get it. Let’s go." But we never did. Because it was followed with "I think may meat ‘yan." He wasn’t even sure. He didn’t even know what kind of fresh lumpia we were bound to get at this restaurant we were supposed to go to. He knew I was tired that’s why I decided to just go to this nearby resto instead of Goldilocks (where their fresh lumpia was surely made of pure vegetables because it was made of ubod). But that was it. All he said was it had meat. How does he know? Has he eaten fresh lumpia in that place? If fresh lumpia had meat in general, how sure was he that their fresh lumpia was not lumpiang ubod? Or if it were really fresh lumpia, why not go to a nearby Goldilocks and get me their fresh lumpia, which was all vegetable?
It may seem too much but I’ve never demanded anything from him. I don’t tie him on a leash and prohibit him from going out. I don’t ask for gifts. I don’t ask him to pay for my meals or carry my stuff (unless I have to pick something up form the ground or tie my laces). I never asked for anything. I was tired and hungry, trying hard to fight the urge to eat rice. All I wanted was the effort, at least. I thought he’d gotten the hint, at least. Maybe he thought that a simple treat would make me feel better. But that was just it. A thought. He never was one to think about what would make me happy. He stopped trying with me. When we weren’t together, I’d tell him about how much I wanted a poppy seed muffin and voila! I’d be surprised with one. Personally delivered. Maybe it is just me. Maybe I expect too much. Maybe I do have a strange, twisted way of looking at things. But then again, I ask. Do I really?
It wouldn’t hurt thinking about someone else once in awhile, instead of yourself all the time.
They say best friends make the best couples. They know each other so well that others believe being together is the next step to happily ever after. They know what makes each other tick and go kaboom, they know each other’s ups and downs, they even finish each other’s sentences. It’s like finding a perfect match. One who can withstand all your craziness and bull and still be there, willingly be there, for you. Sadly, this isn’t true for all cases.
Not all best friends make the best couples.
Sometimes, the very glue that makes the two of you stick is the same thing that breaks you. The closeness, the knowledge, the routines, EVERYTHING! I know because I had a best friend too. And I used to think that best friends always make the best couples (hahaha. Yes, speaking from experience!)
Best friends don’t always make the best couples. Yeah, you know so much about each other that you begin to expect (and we all know expectations aren’t good in any relationship). You expect each other to do this, say that, think this because you know that you know each other very well, more than any other person would know you. When one of you fails to satisfy the expectation, doubts arise. Doubts sometimes lead to loss of trust and once trust is lost, working out the relationship would be even more difficult.
Best friends don’t always make the best couples. They probably argue and fight more than your regular boy-meets-girl couple. They probably hurt deeper than your usual couple, because there is so much more than just your average emotional investment in here and they probably lose more than those who engage in month long only relationships. There are probably a dozen more probablys and what nots, pros and cons about this whole issue but the bottom line is: it’s not always a fairytale (even if you’re best friends).
The past weeks haven’t been easy. I guess after my own fairytale began, Ginger Foutley’s quote still holds up: Nothing worth having ever comes easy. Best friends don’t always make the best couples. But they can be if they work on it.
I guess resolutions are a must every new year. Somehow, we find a certain characteristic or flaw we think we need, no, we must change in order to survive. For some, it could be as carefree as practicing more walking than driving or as difficult as going cold turkey on smoking.
This year, I never had serious resolutions in mind. For the first time in years, I didn’t practice any new year’s tradition. No 12 fruits on the table, no haircut before the new year, no resolutions. Nothing. I just waited for the party and my grandmother’s awesome cooking. 😀
Sadly, I believe I should’ve put more thought into coming up with my own resolutions. The beginning of the year was great, better than last year’s definitely, but it also had its own share of really bad times. Bad times, which, given certain adjustments on my part, would have been avoided. So to the new year, I say, “No more expectations!” It’s nice to know someone out there is willing to help you but no one can help you more than yourself.
A year-ender or new year starter entry would seem a tad bit too late since we’re almost halfway through the first month of the new year. So, instead of typing a long entry about the year that was and about all the hopes of the year that just started, I’ll sum it up in a couple of words: Life does go on.
We all hoped for 2010 to be better and frankly, I thought it never would. So much happened not just to me, but to all my dearest friends as well. We all have fallen last year but in the end, I thank God for making 2010 indeed a better year than 2009. We loved. We lost. We failed. We succeeded. We learned. We grew.
Hello, 2011. Surpass the goodness of 2010!
when pigs & penguins fly.. 