We moved from Faura to the benches after Diana did the exact opposite of what I told her to do: “You’re both not okay.” If someone kept track of the number of words I said during the whole talk, it would probably result to around 175-200 words only. I couldn’t bring myself to get mad at him, maybe because all the anger I had inside of me had already been exhausted the day before, thanks to little mushy. So I kept quiet most of the time, answering with only a YES, NO, or I’m okay. Until..
I exploded.
According to him, it was my fault. The day I decided to let him go, he thought I had already replaced him, because of my friend’s boyfriend whom I bumped into before meeting him. He was left alone and had no choice but to grab hold of whatever he can. Thus, her. When I explained how I just bumped into this guy as he came out of the bathroom, he then tattles about how many boys I’ve had. Boys from my Chinese community group, I quote, whom I was always with. Some of which he even saw made akbay. He asked me if I knew how it felt, how hard it was for him to see. That’s when I went ballistic.
How hard it was for you? For you? I’m not the one canoodling with some girl in every part of the school. We had an agreement to tell each other. Did I tell you anything about a guy I was seeing? What about you? I looked stupid in front of my friends, in front of people I don’t even know, because you failed to tell me about her. Now tell me who had a harder time? The girl who looked stupid and was alone; or the guy who was canoodling with some chick in public, claiming how he was alone when things ended?
He said he waited for me to do something but I didn’t. I didn’t because I was following what he wanted. To move away from each other for a while. To not reply because he wasn’t ready to talk to me yet. It made me think if things could’ve been better had I decided to not follow his request and continue speaking with him. Then again, it’s all over. We can never bring the past back and do everything differently.
So here we are, at present, trying to salvage our so-called friendship or whatever’s left of it. Is everything okay? I don’t know yet. I can’t say for sure. Maybe I’ll know after we hangout again (though I’ve no idea how that’s going to happen). The only thing that was cleared to me after this day was this: I was holding back because of my issues with him. What that means, you’ve to find out for yourself. :p
You’re my only hope.
-Only Hope, Switchfoot
when pigs & penguins fly.. 