The truth shall set you free. Or will it?

Before the year comes to an end, I would like to put all my affairs in order. Actually, I’ve just been so rattled lately that so many things have crossed my mind, one of the most frequent is whether I should finally tell him the truth or not.

It is no secret that my almost perfect world, courtesy of Celadon, BBB, and my blockmates, has been shaken recently. The source of the rattling, of course, is no other than my misunderstood and broody friend aka the ex. No worries. All warships have been kept and both white flags have been raised. The only thing in question here is: Should I reveal the real story behind it all?

I’ve listened to his side more than twice now and I can’t help but feel bad. To this day, he still believes I lived/still lives in my perfect world, while according to him, he had to get over being alone. I’d like to believe the same thing he believes. But for my friends who’ve seen me in Celadon, they know that the past semester was not even close to the neighborhood of perfection for me. They’ve seen how shattered and broken I was. How hard it was for me to walk around school that most of the time, I stayed in that one corner in MVP 208. The corner where the couch met the window. 

Ever since he started talking to me again, that part of our story always wanted to slip through my lips. However, my mind just can’t seem to permit it. What good will it bring? So what if I told him how I really was during the past sem? Will it change anything, take away the pain, or remove the scars it made? I would probably look desperate, that’s all. But something inside of me wants it out. 

After much thought, deliberation (I guess), and what seemed like numerous signs pointing to YES, I’ve finally decided to spill everything. If I cry while doing so, I hope it’ll be the first and last time I do. I want it all out. Nothing but the truth, no matter how desperate, bitchy, bitter I may appear. No more hidden chapters on this book. It’s time to start fresh and blot-less.

I want to start the new year right. No more games.

***
Am I even on your mind
Or are you now in
Someone else’s eyes, someone else’s arms
Someone else’s obvious moves.
-Cheated on Me, Gavin DeGraw


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