This is why I’d rather live life as a rock star: living on the edge, no troubles, no worries. No pain and suffering. Physical pain may be present, if you know what I mean, but not the emotional. Living as if life is one big party and you’re the life of it. Living a life with no worries: I might get caught, I might offend, I might regret. Living as if there’s no tomorrow and all you’ve got is today to live out all your wildest dreams and fantasies.
Living without the risk of getting hurt where it really hurts.
As I type this now, it is officially a Monday morning. Yes, after posting this, the time and date will reflect yesterday’s because I originally had planned to write about this yesterday but school work had to be done first. I typed in a few words and the auto save feature saved this entry as yesterday’s. Moving on..
It is a very early Monday morning and I’ve no clue as to why I still am continuing with this entry. I’ve finished my histo paper and had printed it, I’m halfway through my cup of warm milk, and all I’ve got to do is take my pillow and lie on my bed. I do need to be in school earlier than usual later. But still, I continue to type. Had I finished this entry yesterday, when all kinds of emotions were still running through my system, I would have a clear understanding of why I am typing this. And so, I would use that instead because if I continue to wonder about the “why” I am writing about this now, it would probably take me ’til the morning to figure it out.
“Oh my god, she cried.” That’s what started all of this. Reading those words was enough to convince me. She really does (or did) love him. I’m not quite sure for I didn’t read the whole thing nor did I have any intentions of doing so. But those words, yes those few words, had me convinced. She wasn’t heartless after all. All of a sudden, I felt this weird feeling inside of me. I felt her pain, or so I think I did. Nevertheless, the feeling was strangely familiar, though I know it couldn’t be. I was deeply saddened. I couldn’t explain why but I did. I felt a surge of sadness overcome my entire being. It wasn’t only his sadness I could feel but also hers. For the first time ever, I felt her sadness.
My chest felt heavy afterwards, not understanding why. I felt tears form in my eyes, not knowing why. All these were unanswered questions that may never be answered. Ever. It’s not in my place to ask, to wonder, to inquire. Heck, it’s none of my business. That’s why I stopped asking.
Why couldn’t two people who love each other work this out? That’s probably what my $1 million dollar question would be. All the problems, all the misunderstandings, all the fights are way petty as compared to the love these two people share. I don’t have to understand, because it’s not my place to understand. This is between these two people but I feel strongly about this matter. I believe love can overcome all these, no matter how cliche that may sound. And I guess I’m confounded as to why they can’t.
This whole ordeal has gotten me in the middle of one hell of an emotional whirlwind. I WANT them to make it work, despite my irrelevance in their situation. I want them to, I want them to, I WANT them to. I don’t understand why but I’m guessing I subconsciously looked up to them as a basis, a living example of true love. Yes, I didn’t think she was right for him, after hearing everything he has gone through but love, love has nothing to do with being the right or wrong one for someone. Love simply overcomes two people and brings them together, no matter how different they are. Then, it helps these two people be the perfect one for each other. No matter how crazed their relationship was, I was hoping, expecting them to last.
And now, they’ve both placed a period in their relationship. An end. I still can’t explain the sadness I’m feeling when this is clearly not a relationship I am involved in. Yet the feeling.. The feeling is strangely familiar. The feeling is strange to begin with. It’s like crying over a popped balloon that wasn’t even yours. Is this where that thing called love has brought me to? A place where love that has failed, in general, affects me greatly?
It’s not my place. It’s not my concern. Maybe sadness is a shared emotion. Maybe it has its way of making itself felt to people who have felt it before. Over and over it makes its presence known. To everyone who has felt it. Overcoming it doesn’t matter. As long as you’ve felt it before, it’ll come back to you.
Maybe, just maybe. That’s why.
***
Best thing ’bout tonight is that we’re not fighting.
-Fall For You (Acoustic), Secondhand Serenade
when pigs & penguins fly.. 